December didn't start off so well. My dad passed away the 6th of this month, quite suddenly. Well, sorta. He was diagnosed with single cell carcinoma of the lung (lung cancer) 2 years ago this past November. They gave him a year to live. 2 years later, and he was doing ok. We'd noticed a general decline in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, he was sleeping more, taking more pain pills, etc. The Friday after Thanksgiving, my brother called my mother and told her she needed to get home and get Daddy to the emergency room, as something wasn't quite right. He declined rapidly and only lasted a little over a week.
Life is different without my daddy. I think of half a dozen things I need to ask him every day. From advice on bb guns, to car advice, to general chit chat I always enjoyed with him. I was too numb, too shocked when it first happened, but reality has begun to set in. My daddy is gone, and I feel a bit more colder in the world.
On top of this was the usual stress about Christmas. On a site I frequent (wwww.unsolvedmysteries.com, I'm author ID 63201), I'd posted about how my kids were going to have a bare Christmas, but we'd pull through, somehow. I really didn't post expecting anyone to respond with offers of gifts, but boy oh boy did my USM family come through! Long story short, my boys had the BEST Christmas they've ever had. We still haven't made it through all the toys they've receieved. It was most definitely a Christmas miracle.
Saturday, the 27th, was the 3rd anniversary of my husband's death. I didn't shed a tear. The pain is still there, but it's just a dull throb now. I never thought the day would come where I could think about him without crying, but it has. I'm still angry at him for a lot of unsolved things, but I know I can do nothing about it.
I had a rather interesting morning today. I can't go into too many details, as the person this is about, has a blog and I think reads mine too. However, I will say that her and her family were on my heart and mind this morning when I woke up. I don't know why, in particular, I wasn't dreaming about them, and hadn't been thinking of them when I went to bed. So I stumbled out of bed and headed for my computer for my morning smoke.
I kid you not, as clear as day I heard a voice tell me to move on what was in my heart. I do believe it was the voice of God. I've heard God speak in my heart before, but never with such force and clarity like He did today. I literally heard the words in my ears. I even looked around to make sure no one had come into my house and was speaking. I moved on what He told me to move on, and so far it has come to fruition. I take no personal claim in this, this was solely God's work. He has a purpose for everything, amazing grace!
I am a bit nervous, though. I applied for a work-at-home job, legitimate companies. One is more strict than the other about background and credit checks. So I'm going with the one that's a little less strict. I have a phone interview scheduled with the Human Resources department for Wednesday. If I get this job, I will have to travel an hour each way every day for 6 weeks before I can work from home (that's the training period.) Perfect attendance is required to be able to be hired. I pray for the gas money needed to get me back and forth (if I'm hired), it's only for 6 weeks and then I get to stay at home. Please pray for me, I need all the help I can get!
So that's December in a nutshell. One heck of a rollercoaster ride. May 2009 hold much brighter hope and light than 2008!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Another one under my belt...
I seem to have a habit of blogging sporadically in huge lumps of life rather than dishing it out a little at a time. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I'm just too busy to say it :)
So what has happened since my last post in...May...it seems. Well, my ex-boyfriend moved out, that was a good/bad thing. Good in that it ended peacefully and I have my house and sanity back, and bad in that now I'm the one doing *everything* by myself, and frankly that scares me. I'm not too fond of getting up every single morning at 6 a.m. to ge the kids ready for school, either, but at least for now I do get to crash back in my chair after they're gone for a brief nap.
I finished college in August, got my Associate's Degree and even graduated with honors. First in my family on both parental sides to go to college and get a degree. What I'm going to do with a degree in Medical Billing and Coding now is anyone's guess. I haven't had much luck but with the economy and the state of employment as it is, it's not really a surprise. I am just going to have to start small and work my way up somewhere. I do have one option open to me right now, but won't hear anything back until Friday.
Well I have decided that this was the last Mom n Me cub scout campout I would be spending the night at. I took Jake and off we went bright and early Saturday morning. So early in fact, that I had to pull off the side of the road and sleep for 30 more minutes because I was doing a weaving dance down the highway. I didn't think the oncoming traffic would appreciate finding me on their side of the road. We get there and get the tent set up, and my brand new air mattress (double stack twin size) inflated. I need a bigger tent but I have 3 already and I'm tired of buying tents trying to find the perfect one.
All the events were fun, and I had a great time. I had a moderate case of heat exhaustion which triggered an asthma attack, but a few bottles of water later and I was ok. Jake and I even caught 2 perch down at the fishing hole. His was embarrassingly larger than mine. He did good at the archery, using a compound bow, hitting the target 3 times to my 2. BB guns he didn't do as hot at, he did ok but not great. Both boys have decided they'd like a bb gun for Christmas however, so that's in the planning. I just need to decide between pistol or rifle.
Anyways, fast forward to Saturday night of the campout. It was after 10pm, I'd taken everything but my sleeping pill (which I forgot and really didn't want to take anyway because I didn't want to be too groggy the next day), and I was settling down into the mattress for a cool night under the stars.
Except...
I couldn't get comfortable. When I first laid down, I thought "Ah now this is good." Except I don't sleep on my back, so that thought lasted all of 10 minutes. I discovered I didn't inflate the thing to full firmness, so I kept rolling from side to side. I flipped (struggled) to my side/stomach, where it wasn't much better. I still couldn't go to sleep. I had this problem when I went camping with Ry too, not being able to go to sleep. I laid there for who knows how long before I finally ended up in a fitful sleep.
Then Mother Nature tapped my shoulder at 4 a.m. Or rather, my bladder. Jumped on it full force. Stupid me had taken a diuretic that morning (DUH!) and not realized what it was going to do to me that night. I groped blindly for my glasses and shoes, and fell out of the tent in a mad dash. I knew I wasn't going to make the bathroom stall just a few yards away, so I ditched behind the tent quietly and let 'er rip.
Not too quietly, apparently. Jake woke up (actually I think he was talking in his sleep somewhat) and VERY loudly whispered "MOM, where are you? What are you doing?? MOM" and no matter how much I tried to shush him, he just kept it up. I finally told him I was headed to the bathroom and to be QUIET and go back to sleep. Finished my business and crawled back into the tent. Another fitful sleep for 3 hours until I woke to the sounds of the campsite, where mothers were fast-and-furiously breaking camp. We missed chapel service by 5 minutes, and by the time we got everything loaded up, I bribed Jake with a donut "or something like it" on the road rather than making the trek to the other end of camp for breakfast. We started the long haul to the car (with Jake pulling the wagon and me pushing along and steadying everything from behind) and made it home. I slept well that night, no sleep aid needed. And decided that my overnight camping would be a rare thing.
I'm still battling the insomnia, but I have cut caffeine out (goodbye Sonic sweet tea) and seem to have an easier time of it. I started taking melatonin and that helps tremendously as well. The odd thing is I lie there in bed thinking "Am I asleep yet? Why can't I sleep? Am I going? Am I dreaming?" as I toss and turn. I actually try to analyze whether I'm asleep or awake, and it drives me insane! Maybe after some more nights of restful sleep I won't worry about it so much.
I guess that's all for now. I've met someone new but we're in the very new beginning stages. We're still at the "just talking as friends" stage, haven't even went out on a date yet. He's out of state for a few more days, and then we'll see where we're headed from there. He's really a nice guy, likes kids, very down to earth and old fashioned like me. I'm just taking it nice and slow, one day at a time and seeing what happens.
So what has happened since my last post in...May...it seems. Well, my ex-boyfriend moved out, that was a good/bad thing. Good in that it ended peacefully and I have my house and sanity back, and bad in that now I'm the one doing *everything* by myself, and frankly that scares me. I'm not too fond of getting up every single morning at 6 a.m. to ge the kids ready for school, either, but at least for now I do get to crash back in my chair after they're gone for a brief nap.
I finished college in August, got my Associate's Degree and even graduated with honors. First in my family on both parental sides to go to college and get a degree. What I'm going to do with a degree in Medical Billing and Coding now is anyone's guess. I haven't had much luck but with the economy and the state of employment as it is, it's not really a surprise. I am just going to have to start small and work my way up somewhere. I do have one option open to me right now, but won't hear anything back until Friday.
Well I have decided that this was the last Mom n Me cub scout campout I would be spending the night at. I took Jake and off we went bright and early Saturday morning. So early in fact, that I had to pull off the side of the road and sleep for 30 more minutes because I was doing a weaving dance down the highway. I didn't think the oncoming traffic would appreciate finding me on their side of the road. We get there and get the tent set up, and my brand new air mattress (double stack twin size) inflated. I need a bigger tent but I have 3 already and I'm tired of buying tents trying to find the perfect one.
All the events were fun, and I had a great time. I had a moderate case of heat exhaustion which triggered an asthma attack, but a few bottles of water later and I was ok. Jake and I even caught 2 perch down at the fishing hole. His was embarrassingly larger than mine. He did good at the archery, using a compound bow, hitting the target 3 times to my 2. BB guns he didn't do as hot at, he did ok but not great. Both boys have decided they'd like a bb gun for Christmas however, so that's in the planning. I just need to decide between pistol or rifle.
Anyways, fast forward to Saturday night of the campout. It was after 10pm, I'd taken everything but my sleeping pill (which I forgot and really didn't want to take anyway because I didn't want to be too groggy the next day), and I was settling down into the mattress for a cool night under the stars.
Except...
I couldn't get comfortable. When I first laid down, I thought "Ah now this is good." Except I don't sleep on my back, so that thought lasted all of 10 minutes. I discovered I didn't inflate the thing to full firmness, so I kept rolling from side to side. I flipped (struggled) to my side/stomach, where it wasn't much better. I still couldn't go to sleep. I had this problem when I went camping with Ry too, not being able to go to sleep. I laid there for who knows how long before I finally ended up in a fitful sleep.
Then Mother Nature tapped my shoulder at 4 a.m. Or rather, my bladder. Jumped on it full force. Stupid me had taken a diuretic that morning (DUH!) and not realized what it was going to do to me that night. I groped blindly for my glasses and shoes, and fell out of the tent in a mad dash. I knew I wasn't going to make the bathroom stall just a few yards away, so I ditched behind the tent quietly and let 'er rip.
Not too quietly, apparently. Jake woke up (actually I think he was talking in his sleep somewhat) and VERY loudly whispered "MOM, where are you? What are you doing?? MOM" and no matter how much I tried to shush him, he just kept it up. I finally told him I was headed to the bathroom and to be QUIET and go back to sleep. Finished my business and crawled back into the tent. Another fitful sleep for 3 hours until I woke to the sounds of the campsite, where mothers were fast-and-furiously breaking camp. We missed chapel service by 5 minutes, and by the time we got everything loaded up, I bribed Jake with a donut "or something like it" on the road rather than making the trek to the other end of camp for breakfast. We started the long haul to the car (with Jake pulling the wagon and me pushing along and steadying everything from behind) and made it home. I slept well that night, no sleep aid needed. And decided that my overnight camping would be a rare thing.
I'm still battling the insomnia, but I have cut caffeine out (goodbye Sonic sweet tea) and seem to have an easier time of it. I started taking melatonin and that helps tremendously as well. The odd thing is I lie there in bed thinking "Am I asleep yet? Why can't I sleep? Am I going? Am I dreaming?" as I toss and turn. I actually try to analyze whether I'm asleep or awake, and it drives me insane! Maybe after some more nights of restful sleep I won't worry about it so much.
I guess that's all for now. I've met someone new but we're in the very new beginning stages. We're still at the "just talking as friends" stage, haven't even went out on a date yet. He's out of state for a few more days, and then we'll see where we're headed from there. He's really a nice guy, likes kids, very down to earth and old fashioned like me. I'm just taking it nice and slow, one day at a time and seeing what happens.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Summer's already here?
I seriously need a popup that says "Post a blog today!" to remind me to come here more often. So much happens so quickly these days in my life that I barely have time to check email, let alone set down and write a journal. I keep a private diary on my computer but no eyes will ever see that one until I leave it to my kids when I'm on my deathbed (or I think they're old enough to handle some hard truths about the past).
So let's start with romance. J and I didn't exactly work out, and the blame for that lies squarely on my shoulders. I realized a year into the relationship that I wasn't ready to commit to another long-term relationship, and that I moved too soon after George's death. My fear of being alone overrode any common sense I had at the time, and I ended up hurting people over it. We're in a "roommate" situation righ now while he makes the decision whether to move back to his home state or hang around here. I find myself wishing I could afford a larger house and us just share the bills, and have companionship for both of us until we meet "The Right One" in our lives, if ever. I don't see myself remarrying, honestly. I'm quite comfortable, at least for the moment, having no one to answer to but myself (and my kids), going where I please, when I please. My heart just can't take anymore heartache, so I don't see myself falling in love for a very long time, if ever.
Ry continues to give us heartache as he struggles with the onset of puberty. I am filling out an application for a boy's ranch some 3 hours from me, because I simply can't handle his meltdowns and behavior. I've had him placed in a psychiatric hospital twice since the beginning of the year, and to be honest, it's getting old. For the longest time, I felt like I was a bad mother because I couldn't "take care of my own" and deal with his problems privately, like I was raised to do. But it took a lot of counseling to realize that it's not me, it's just the situation. I've been to a lot of seminars, focus groups and workshops about dealing with the ups and downs of parenting an autistic child, but nothing I've tried seems to work with him. In no way does this mean I'm "giving up" on my child, I'm just finally realizing that there are professionals out there that can provide the level of help and care above what I can do. The stress from this decision has been immense.
My mother had open heart surgery Thursday the 8th, and seems to be doing quite well. She gave us quite a scare, and we realized she might've had a light heart attack. Seeing her in ICU after surgery was a huge wakeup call to me, as for most of my life I've followed in her health footsteps, and I don't want to end up like her. I smoke, she smoked (until her hospitalization), I'm overweight, she's overweight, I have swelling in my legs (edema), she has the same thing and has had for many years. She and I have both had lifetime issues with anxiety and panic attacks. The list goes on and on. My sister in law, for all of her quirks, and despite my personal feelings towards her behavior in the past, has really turned out to be my biggest motivator in finally deciding to change my lifestyle for the better. She's getting me involved in something called "Fitness for Life", which as far as I know right now, involves a lot of water exercising, yoga, nautilus, and the like. I'm nervous, but excited to see how things could turn out. My doctor put me on blood pressure (again, just like my mother) and to see if I could get some of the extra fluid off my body. I'm hoping to see a marked difference in a few weeks after starting this. I'm totally unhappy with my body and it's time to do something about it.
I gave up my dreams of ever becoming a working EMT. I almost had the last job, but I failed the oral clinical interview by 3 questions, as I freeze up on oral exams. Ik knew the information, but I froze when I was "tested" on it on the fly. So now I'm back in school for an Associate's Degree in Medical Billing & Coding. I graduate in August. 2 more sessions and I'm done. I'm a bit uncertain about my future, but I know that God will guide me to where I'm supposed to be in life. I'm just taking a bit more time to get there than others I know ;)
School is almost out for the kids, and in a way I'm relieved too as I get to sleep in a bit later each morning. It will also give me the summer to evaluate where we're going with Ryan's placement in a residential facility and make accomodations for that. I'm looking forward to a much more relaxed summer than I've had for the first half of this year!
I suppose I will post more later, and I'm vowing to stay more active here. I'm on several Guide teams on Everquest now, and I've added World of Warcraft to my repertoire of timesinks as well. But they're great stress relievers and a way to escape the stresses of the day for a little while.
Hope everyone who reads this has a great week :)
So let's start with romance. J and I didn't exactly work out, and the blame for that lies squarely on my shoulders. I realized a year into the relationship that I wasn't ready to commit to another long-term relationship, and that I moved too soon after George's death. My fear of being alone overrode any common sense I had at the time, and I ended up hurting people over it. We're in a "roommate" situation righ now while he makes the decision whether to move back to his home state or hang around here. I find myself wishing I could afford a larger house and us just share the bills, and have companionship for both of us until we meet "The Right One" in our lives, if ever. I don't see myself remarrying, honestly. I'm quite comfortable, at least for the moment, having no one to answer to but myself (and my kids), going where I please, when I please. My heart just can't take anymore heartache, so I don't see myself falling in love for a very long time, if ever.
Ry continues to give us heartache as he struggles with the onset of puberty. I am filling out an application for a boy's ranch some 3 hours from me, because I simply can't handle his meltdowns and behavior. I've had him placed in a psychiatric hospital twice since the beginning of the year, and to be honest, it's getting old. For the longest time, I felt like I was a bad mother because I couldn't "take care of my own" and deal with his problems privately, like I was raised to do. But it took a lot of counseling to realize that it's not me, it's just the situation. I've been to a lot of seminars, focus groups and workshops about dealing with the ups and downs of parenting an autistic child, but nothing I've tried seems to work with him. In no way does this mean I'm "giving up" on my child, I'm just finally realizing that there are professionals out there that can provide the level of help and care above what I can do. The stress from this decision has been immense.
My mother had open heart surgery Thursday the 8th, and seems to be doing quite well. She gave us quite a scare, and we realized she might've had a light heart attack. Seeing her in ICU after surgery was a huge wakeup call to me, as for most of my life I've followed in her health footsteps, and I don't want to end up like her. I smoke, she smoked (until her hospitalization), I'm overweight, she's overweight, I have swelling in my legs (edema), she has the same thing and has had for many years. She and I have both had lifetime issues with anxiety and panic attacks. The list goes on and on. My sister in law, for all of her quirks, and despite my personal feelings towards her behavior in the past, has really turned out to be my biggest motivator in finally deciding to change my lifestyle for the better. She's getting me involved in something called "Fitness for Life", which as far as I know right now, involves a lot of water exercising, yoga, nautilus, and the like. I'm nervous, but excited to see how things could turn out. My doctor put me on blood pressure (again, just like my mother) and to see if I could get some of the extra fluid off my body. I'm hoping to see a marked difference in a few weeks after starting this. I'm totally unhappy with my body and it's time to do something about it.
I gave up my dreams of ever becoming a working EMT. I almost had the last job, but I failed the oral clinical interview by 3 questions, as I freeze up on oral exams. Ik knew the information, but I froze when I was "tested" on it on the fly. So now I'm back in school for an Associate's Degree in Medical Billing & Coding. I graduate in August. 2 more sessions and I'm done. I'm a bit uncertain about my future, but I know that God will guide me to where I'm supposed to be in life. I'm just taking a bit more time to get there than others I know ;)
School is almost out for the kids, and in a way I'm relieved too as I get to sleep in a bit later each morning. It will also give me the summer to evaluate where we're going with Ryan's placement in a residential facility and make accomodations for that. I'm looking forward to a much more relaxed summer than I've had for the first half of this year!
I suppose I will post more later, and I'm vowing to stay more active here. I'm on several Guide teams on Everquest now, and I've added World of Warcraft to my repertoire of timesinks as well. But they're great stress relievers and a way to escape the stresses of the day for a little while.
Hope everyone who reads this has a great week :)
Sunday, October 07, 2007
So I took this quiz...
You know, one of those where you make a numbered list and write down certain things by certain numbers like "By the number 3, write down the name of a member of the opposite sex. And by number 7, write down the name of a song title." Those kind. Yeah. Then when you're done, it gives you the answers to what each of those things mean.
The creepy thing was it was right on target. I actually had tears in my eyes when I got to the last one, and it said "The song title in number 11 describes how you feel about your life." My song title was "Probably Shouldn't Be This Way" by LeAnn Rimes. I've often wondered why I was chosen to lead the life I do. I've done things to make it better, or thought I had, then I just backslide. I just wish upon a star I could catch that one major "lucky break." Just once.
I have my consult for the Lap-Band surgery on the 25th of this month. I'm now trying to race around getting tests and paperwork and all sorts of things needed for my insurance to pay for it. It's downright crazy. Let's think for a moment here. I live in one of the most technologically advanced, yet severely morbidly obese countries in the world. More people here die from things related to being obese than anywhere else on Earth. Yet, when you try to diet (and stick to it) and fail, and you're forced to go to a surgical alternative, the insurance companies throw a hissy fit. It's expensive, they say. It's complicated, it might not work, what if the weight returns. As if we don't question all that ourselves enough without them butting in!
But here's the kicker. If you're on disability, and get Medicare/Medicaid (the government insurance for disabled/poor/elderly folks, for those of you reading this who don't live in the USA), they will pay for years of you going in and out of the hospital for various complications due to high blood pressure, pneumonia, heart disease, heart attacks, diabetes...etc. Do you know how long you have to stay in the hospital if you have complications from diabetes? My cousin was in there for almost a MONTH, worrying every day that he was going to lose his foot, if not his whole leg. I hate to even dare to guess the cost of that hospital stay. But if you have M'care/M'caid, they pay it all, no sweat.
Let's also consider Medicare Part D, which is the prescription drug coverage. I pay $3 for each medicine, utnil the plan and I together have paid about $3k in drug costs. My medicines are very, very expensive, so normally I only have to actually pay for my medicines until mid-may or June, then the plan pays for the rest. How many people take medicine for diabetes (insulin), heart conditions, high blood pressure, thyroid, gallbladder, etc., where, if they had the ability to lose some weight, they might just get to stop taking most, if not all of those medicines?
To clarify, what I'm going on about is, if the state of the Medicare and Social Security system is so poor, why not approve an approximately $10,000 surgery (depending on when and where it happens, of course), enabling people to lead longer, healthier lives, rather than continue paying hundreds of thousands of dollars PER PERSON for hospital stays, medicines, doctor visits and the like? Enable people to have the choice to have the surgery, lose the weight, and get back into the workforce, thereby contributing to a better economy for all of us.
Naturally the weight loss success from surgery would depend on the person actually following doctor's orders and sticking to the diet prescribed. I realize that. But why not at least give it a chance? Give me a protein shake for a little while over a lifetime of insulin shots and heart medicine, ANY day of the week!
Sure, I'm nervous about this surgery. Half of me (the fat half) is scared of failing. Will I really be able to do this? The other half of me (the skinny half) is shouting "You go girl! You can do it!" and excited about being thinner and healthier again.
So I guess we'll see in 2 weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
The creepy thing was it was right on target. I actually had tears in my eyes when I got to the last one, and it said "The song title in number 11 describes how you feel about your life." My song title was "Probably Shouldn't Be This Way" by LeAnn Rimes. I've often wondered why I was chosen to lead the life I do. I've done things to make it better, or thought I had, then I just backslide. I just wish upon a star I could catch that one major "lucky break." Just once.
I have my consult for the Lap-Band surgery on the 25th of this month. I'm now trying to race around getting tests and paperwork and all sorts of things needed for my insurance to pay for it. It's downright crazy. Let's think for a moment here. I live in one of the most technologically advanced, yet severely morbidly obese countries in the world. More people here die from things related to being obese than anywhere else on Earth. Yet, when you try to diet (and stick to it) and fail, and you're forced to go to a surgical alternative, the insurance companies throw a hissy fit. It's expensive, they say. It's complicated, it might not work, what if the weight returns. As if we don't question all that ourselves enough without them butting in!
But here's the kicker. If you're on disability, and get Medicare/Medicaid (the government insurance for disabled/poor/elderly folks, for those of you reading this who don't live in the USA), they will pay for years of you going in and out of the hospital for various complications due to high blood pressure, pneumonia, heart disease, heart attacks, diabetes...etc. Do you know how long you have to stay in the hospital if you have complications from diabetes? My cousin was in there for almost a MONTH, worrying every day that he was going to lose his foot, if not his whole leg. I hate to even dare to guess the cost of that hospital stay. But if you have M'care/M'caid, they pay it all, no sweat.
Let's also consider Medicare Part D, which is the prescription drug coverage. I pay $3 for each medicine, utnil the plan and I together have paid about $3k in drug costs. My medicines are very, very expensive, so normally I only have to actually pay for my medicines until mid-may or June, then the plan pays for the rest. How many people take medicine for diabetes (insulin), heart conditions, high blood pressure, thyroid, gallbladder, etc., where, if they had the ability to lose some weight, they might just get to stop taking most, if not all of those medicines?
To clarify, what I'm going on about is, if the state of the Medicare and Social Security system is so poor, why not approve an approximately $10,000 surgery (depending on when and where it happens, of course), enabling people to lead longer, healthier lives, rather than continue paying hundreds of thousands of dollars PER PERSON for hospital stays, medicines, doctor visits and the like? Enable people to have the choice to have the surgery, lose the weight, and get back into the workforce, thereby contributing to a better economy for all of us.
Naturally the weight loss success from surgery would depend on the person actually following doctor's orders and sticking to the diet prescribed. I realize that. But why not at least give it a chance? Give me a protein shake for a little while over a lifetime of insulin shots and heart medicine, ANY day of the week!
Sure, I'm nervous about this surgery. Half of me (the fat half) is scared of failing. Will I really be able to do this? The other half of me (the skinny half) is shouting "You go girl! You can do it!" and excited about being thinner and healthier again.
So I guess we'll see in 2 weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Fall has fallen...
Well as much "Fall" as it can get in September here anyways. Kiddos are back in school, and it's going..well...meh....ok I guess. Ry hasn't been the target of bullies yet, so I'm pretty thankful for that, but I'm still gonna be keeping an eye and ear out.
Jake isn't impressed with 2nd grade, I think he's bored, honestly. He asked me if he could just skip 2nd and go to 3rd grade, and I almost went for it.
But then I hark back to my days in elementary, when they wanted to advance me a grade, and my mom asked me about it, allegedly I said "no" and that I'd rather stay with my own class. So I'm thinking that even tho academically Jake may be ready for 3rd grade, emotionally he's not.
He's such an academic snob though. Seriously! He tells me quite frequently that he just wishes everyone would learn how to "shut their piehole" (gulp, a pickup from me, I'm afraid) and quit bugging him in class. I told him he wouldn't make many friends with that attitude, and he said "I don't need friends to get ahead when I'm grown up, I need to learn." So serious for one so young. He didn't really develop this attitude until after George died, so it may be some fallout from that.
Everything else seems to be going ok on the homefront. I still take care of my youngest niece during the day while I pine away looking for an EMT job. I'm getting so discouraged...so I decided to pick up another Associate's Degree, this one in Medical Billing and Coding, with an online school. Well, they're a regular brick and mortar campus, they just happen to have online classes, kinda like the college I got my EMT certification from. So in 15 months, if all goes well, I'll have my degree, and if the job search for EMT hasn't gotten any better, at least I'll have a backup plan.
I'm also considering Lap-Band surgery. I've reached my highest weight ever, and it's taking a physical, emotional and mental health toll on me. I've tried every other diet and diet aid I can afford, and nothing works. I think most of my weight gain came when I started the BiPolar med Risperdal. Evil stuff, going to talk to the doctor about getting off of it and trying something else.
Anyway. I'm back to guiding in the land of Norrath now. That's Everquest for you non-gamer folks :) Pretty happy doing it too.
Now if I can just get a few other thigns going my way, life will be pretty good.
Jake isn't impressed with 2nd grade, I think he's bored, honestly. He asked me if he could just skip 2nd and go to 3rd grade, and I almost went for it.
But then I hark back to my days in elementary, when they wanted to advance me a grade, and my mom asked me about it, allegedly I said "no" and that I'd rather stay with my own class. So I'm thinking that even tho academically Jake may be ready for 3rd grade, emotionally he's not.
He's such an academic snob though. Seriously! He tells me quite frequently that he just wishes everyone would learn how to "shut their piehole" (gulp, a pickup from me, I'm afraid) and quit bugging him in class. I told him he wouldn't make many friends with that attitude, and he said "I don't need friends to get ahead when I'm grown up, I need to learn." So serious for one so young. He didn't really develop this attitude until after George died, so it may be some fallout from that.
Everything else seems to be going ok on the homefront. I still take care of my youngest niece during the day while I pine away looking for an EMT job. I'm getting so discouraged...so I decided to pick up another Associate's Degree, this one in Medical Billing and Coding, with an online school. Well, they're a regular brick and mortar campus, they just happen to have online classes, kinda like the college I got my EMT certification from. So in 15 months, if all goes well, I'll have my degree, and if the job search for EMT hasn't gotten any better, at least I'll have a backup plan.
I'm also considering Lap-Band surgery. I've reached my highest weight ever, and it's taking a physical, emotional and mental health toll on me. I've tried every other diet and diet aid I can afford, and nothing works. I think most of my weight gain came when I started the BiPolar med Risperdal. Evil stuff, going to talk to the doctor about getting off of it and trying something else.
Anyway. I'm back to guiding in the land of Norrath now. That's Everquest for you non-gamer folks :) Pretty happy doing it too.
Now if I can just get a few other thigns going my way, life will be pretty good.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Just...blah....
That's how I'm feeling..just..blah. It's raining (again!) outside, and I'm hoping it doesn't rain next week when we take the kiddos to Six Flags. They've been waiting for this trip for a long, long time. And so have I, and J too ;) JJ and J have never been there, while I've been dozens of times in my life, and Ry has been once. So we're pretty hyped up about going.
That's about the only bright spot in my life right now. Got a letter from a lawyer in town that the bank is intending to sue me over a loan that I took out with George (late husband). I thought once they repo'ed the 2 cars that were part of the collateral, that'd be it and the rest would just go on my already-shabby credit report, and then it'd go into collections where I'd try to make measly little payments each month. So now I'm wondering, if they can indeed sue me and garnish my disability check? I'm pretty sure they can't take any money out of the boys' Social Security, but I can't afford for them to take any of mine either. I'm stretching the $$ now as far as it'll go, and having none left over at the end of the month.
But I did manage to get my computer back up and running, so no more laptop for me! Now it's just a matter of remembering everything I had installed on the old hard drive and reinstalling it on the new one. I'm just glad to be able to have a computer again! :)
And, as I mentioned in my last blog, I was trying to learn how to do YouTube videos... well, I discovered the "video" feature on my digital camera, and how to upload them, so here they are!
This is Ry, my oldest, he's 10:
and this one is JJ, he's 7:
At least I hope those show up lol I'm so excited that I figured it out!
I know all this other stuff will work out somehow. Faith. Perserverance. Determination. I'm trying...
That's about the only bright spot in my life right now. Got a letter from a lawyer in town that the bank is intending to sue me over a loan that I took out with George (late husband). I thought once they repo'ed the 2 cars that were part of the collateral, that'd be it and the rest would just go on my already-shabby credit report, and then it'd go into collections where I'd try to make measly little payments each month. So now I'm wondering, if they can indeed sue me and garnish my disability check? I'm pretty sure they can't take any money out of the boys' Social Security, but I can't afford for them to take any of mine either. I'm stretching the $$ now as far as it'll go, and having none left over at the end of the month.
But I did manage to get my computer back up and running, so no more laptop for me! Now it's just a matter of remembering everything I had installed on the old hard drive and reinstalling it on the new one. I'm just glad to be able to have a computer again! :)
And, as I mentioned in my last blog, I was trying to learn how to do YouTube videos... well, I discovered the "video" feature on my digital camera, and how to upload them, so here they are!
This is Ry, my oldest, he's 10:
and this one is JJ, he's 7:
At least I hope those show up lol I'm so excited that I figured it out!
I know all this other stuff will work out somehow. Faith. Perserverance. Determination. I'm trying...
Saturday, July 21, 2007
End of summer almost near...
Woooohooo can you hear it? I can. It's the sound of parents happily buying school supplies and clothes. Wait...what's that you say? You don't get happy about buying school stuff? Think about it this way...you're buying not just tools for your child's education, but tools for your PEACE and sanity to return for a little while.
Now I love my kids, really I do. But having a summer full of nothing but RAIN has driven them and me a bit batty. I promised at the first of June to set up their pool. Then the end of June. By mid-July we realized it wasn't happening. So we'll probably end up going to the lake if we catch a sunny day sometime to go swimming.
Of course with this "break" in sight, comes a bit of melancholy. Ry's going to 5th grade, and JJ's (yes JJ, his new nickname as my youngest niece can't pronounce his full name and we think it's cute) going to 2nd. And my oldest niece, who seemingly was only born just a few months ago, is starting Pre-K. But 5th and 2nd. They're at the age where they want me to take them to school the first day, but no hand-holding, no sloppy sugary kisses bye, and absolutely NO crying. JJ has said if I cry the first day of school, he'd rather take the bus.
So I had to promise to keep the tears inside. It's not as hard as when they first started school, but with Ry, he's going to Intermediate, which is kinda screwy in itself. 3rd grade he made the switch to intermediate, then they built a new elementary so for 4th grade he got moved back to elementary. Now he gets to go back to intermediate, so maybe it won't be too big of a shock since he's already somewhat familiar with the school.
So as I rejoice as my days of peace and quiet draw near (at least until I get a decent job), I am also saddened by the fact my babies aren't babies anymore (except in my heart) and are growing up. Far too fast.
Now I love my kids, really I do. But having a summer full of nothing but RAIN has driven them and me a bit batty. I promised at the first of June to set up their pool. Then the end of June. By mid-July we realized it wasn't happening. So we'll probably end up going to the lake if we catch a sunny day sometime to go swimming.
Of course with this "break" in sight, comes a bit of melancholy. Ry's going to 5th grade, and JJ's (yes JJ, his new nickname as my youngest niece can't pronounce his full name and we think it's cute) going to 2nd. And my oldest niece, who seemingly was only born just a few months ago, is starting Pre-K. But 5th and 2nd. They're at the age where they want me to take them to school the first day, but no hand-holding, no sloppy sugary kisses bye, and absolutely NO crying. JJ has said if I cry the first day of school, he'd rather take the bus.
So I had to promise to keep the tears inside. It's not as hard as when they first started school, but with Ry, he's going to Intermediate, which is kinda screwy in itself. 3rd grade he made the switch to intermediate, then they built a new elementary so for 4th grade he got moved back to elementary. Now he gets to go back to intermediate, so maybe it won't be too big of a shock since he's already somewhat familiar with the school.
So as I rejoice as my days of peace and quiet draw near (at least until I get a decent job), I am also saddened by the fact my babies aren't babies anymore (except in my heart) and are growing up. Far too fast.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
