You want me to do WHAT?

And we're in!

2010-05-06T13:32:00.000-07:00

We moved in the house back in March. Well, halfway moved in. Lots of problems with the house, leaks, siding missing, etc. But most of that has been resolved. Made my first mortgage payment Tuesday! Got a new car too, that Intrepid was just too much trouble to deal with so I traded it in.

Both boys are in karate now. Jacob took first place in his first tournament Sun May 2nd, and Ryan took 2nd place in the white belt division. 2 more weeks and they have their belt test for yellow belt. I hope Ryan is invited to take the belt test, he needs a little more work to perfect his technique but overall he is doing good.

The new scout troop we're in is doing well also. We need 2 more boys to be a fully chartered and recognized troop, and we're working on that. We lost a lot of boys at recharter due to various reasons, now we're just working on getting that charter back. Ryan is just one step away from getting First Class scout, and Jacob is still a Cub Scout with one year to go before crossing over to Boy Scouts. All Ryan has to do is complete his BSA swimmer test and he's good to go for First Class!

I have a new romantic interest in my life, sortof. :) We talk on the phone a lot, and email constantly, but we haven't gotten the chance to meet face to face. I feel like I've known him forever, but we're taking things slow and seeing how they end up. I'm definitely not rushing into anything ever again. But I definitely miss companionship and intimacy!

Going to Vegas again in August for Sony Online Entertainment's Fan Faire! I've been a Guide with the Everquest game for almost 3 years now, and a Senior Guide for almost 2 of that 3. I'm so excited about seeing old and new friends again! Next year, we're planning on making a huge family vacation with my mom, my brother and sister in law, and their kids, and my kids, and going to Disney World. We'll have to rent a van or huge SUV to fit all of us in! My mom even mentioned renting an RV but I think that might be more trouble than it's worth!

Well I'm at work, been with Cloud 10 for a year as of April 19th and still am happy with the job. Amazing I've held out this long! I see myself with this company for a very long time.

I guess that's it for now!

Getting closer...

2010-01-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

It seems like a decade ago that I wrote "We got it! We got it!" meaning the house. We have been through SO many paperwork hoops and such that we're both ready to just be done with the whole thing. A few days ago, I was put in touch with the title company, who will handle the deed and title for the land, and had to fill out a questionnaire, because my dad's "estate" was not probated, it just automatically went to my mom. Legally, that's not good enough for them, it has to be in her name in order for her to deed it to us. I filled out the questionnaire and sent them a copy of the death certificate, and the lady said that's all she needed to get the paperwork drawn up.

I can't file my taxes until the 15th (this Saturday) so I can have the money to pay the guy to move the house. Can't move the house until we close on the new one. There are times when I feel so overwhelmed. The idea of packing again...ugh. Thank God for Bruce or I'd never make it. He's the roommate I met on USM. It's been almost a year since he moved in, and it's been...interesting... We've had our share of ups and downs and hard times, but still we remain like brother and sister. Sometimes we just need to get away from this house and have some breathing room separately.

I'm still working my at-home job with Cloud 10. I love the job, but there are days it drives me nuts. I got moved out of the New Jersey region and into the "Beltway" region which covers Maryland, Delaware, Virginia, West Virginia and occasionally DC. Virginia and WV folks are simply the sweetest people on earth to talk to. They just don't get riled up at all, and if they do, it's easy enough to calm them back down. Maryland folks, particularly Baltimore, on the other hand, make me miss the New Jersey region. After 9 hours of being screamed at, it takes me 2 hours to calm down enough to fall asleep. We're allegedly getting more reps for that region, but I haven't seen it yet. The days where the calls are non-stop are the ones that wear me down the most. But I have a great supervisor I can vent to! I switched teams about a month or so ago, and I was hesitant to leave my old team, but I'm so glad I did now! I absolutely love my supervisor! If I have to switch from her, I just might quit! Seriously!

Well, I've lost 65 pounds, and have 40 more to go. I donated a lot of my clothes to Goodwill because they were just way too big for me. Now I have a much smaller selection of clothes, but I'm not buying any more until I reach my goal weight. Santa Bruce bought me a Wii for Christmas, and as soon as we get the new house set up, I'm setting up the Wii and getting myself a Wii Fit to work out with. Just diet alone is not going to drop the remaining 40 lbs. Time to get active!

Ryan has been slowly mainstreamed back into half a day at the regular campus. He goes for 3 classes, then spends the rest of the day at the special school. In a couple more weeks they're going to add another class, and keep doing that every 3 weeks until he's fully mainstreamed. So far I've been pleased with his progress, and he seems much happier. No meltdowns, nothing other than standard sibling stuff.

I suppose it's time for me to go to bed now, or at least attempt to get some sleep. I'm yawning like mad, but I know as soon as I fall into bed I'll be awake for 2 hours trying to go to sleep. Yay me.

Have a great week yall!

Boredom....

2009-10-23T12:57:00.001-07:00

Boredom is setting in, I've been on the phones for an hour and no calls. I know it'll be back to back here in a couple of hours, so I'm enjoying the peace while I can. I'm currently debating whether or not I have time to rip off my headset, dash to pee, and get back before a call comes in. My luck, probably not. And I don't want to waste my precious break time. I save that for when the call flow is heavy LOL

I really do like my job. Seriously. This is like THE job to have. Sitting at home, just listening to customers whine and bitch about their internet. Having a smoke, having some wine. Just kickin back and relaxing. Sometimes I can't believe I get paid to do this. And of course I worry that the project I'm on is gonna come to a screeching halt one day. But with the current call volume the way it is, and predicted to get higher by winter, I doubt it. There are some agents that have been on this project for 2 years. So it doesn't look like it's going anywhere anytime soon.

I *think* we're going either Monday or Tuesday to look at homes. Depends on how fast they get the analysis of my land value thing back. I hope it's soon so we can get the ball rolling on this. I'm super high over it all.

Ok time's up I guess. Just wanted to pop in. It's chilly here but sunny. Supposed to be a tad warmer over the weekend but not much, and still chilly at night. Time to get some propane for the tank I guess, but I keep forgetting to call! Doh me.

Ok, I can't take it anymore. Break/pee time. Adios for now and vaya con Dios.

We got it! We got it!

2009-10-21T11:55:00.001-07:00

Today's date was hovering over me like a rain cloud. I could barely sleep last night, wondering what today would portend. Today was the day we would get "the call." The call that would change our lives. The call that would tell us whether we got approved for a new house or not.

10 a.m. No phone call. 11 a.m. I called and left a message. 12:37pm, she called. I answered the phone with a hitch in my breath and fevered prayer to God. She sounded happy when she said Hello. Good sign. Then I heard the magical words "You're approved!"

But there was a catch. We weren't approved for a brand new home, the one we'd painstakingly chosen flooring and wallcovering for. We'd been approved for a repo. Neither Bruce nor myself realized there was another option besides approval or denial. The repos are all in great shape, like brand new, and we can even use our first-time home buyer's credit as a downpayment.

So now all we have to do is get the property tax info from my mom, to determine the value of the land, and we're set. We may not even NEED a downpayment, but I'd like to use the tax credit to do one anyway to lower the cost of the monthly payments.

I'm definitely in a manic, but cautious manic, phase, if you can call it that. By the end of the year, we'll be in our own home! I'm absolutely THRILLED! I give all the glory to God for His mercy and grace in allowing us a break, a chance to better ourselves finally!

Updates as we go, and pictures to follow when we finally select our new home!

So I'm sitting here at work...

2009-09-18T14:13:00.001-07:00

I'm bored out of my mind. The calls are slow, and we'll probably get sent home early again. Hard to do overtime when they're sending you home early!
I have to say, this work at home gig is pretty cool. Sit in my jammies, not shower for a few days if I don't want to, no makeup, no fancy clothes, and talk to customers. Overtime if I want it, more cash in my pockets. What's not to like?

Heh. Too easy of a question. Through my own independent studies, I have concluded that New Jerseyians are born and bred to be rude. No offense to any of my Jersey readers out there, but that queue/area is the most dreaded one to be put into. Everyone groans when they're put in that queue. We bribe supervisors to get us out of it. Everyone that calls in is a screaming psycho and it's our fault that their internet has not worked for two weeks yet they decide to wait until 1 a.m. to call it in, and want a tech out the very next morning. Not happening, folks.

Now to be fair, it's not just Jersey. We get a few other crazies from other areas too. But there ain't nothing like Jersey. Do us all a favor and cut us some slack. We're sitting in our pj's, sipping tea or hot chocolate, or if it's a bad night, a bottle of Grey Goose is on the desk. We do care about getting your service restored. We don't care for your potty mouths and telling us we don't know what we're doing. If you know it all, then fix it yourself! Why bug me when I'm reading my Kindle?

I can't mention the company's name I work for, or the client we contract for, because I'm not so stupid as to get fired over it. I really do love my job. But sometimes in the customer service industry, you just gotta let it out sometimes.

Back to the phones, looks like playtime is over. Where's my Grey Goose?

Just...Wow....

2009-08-20T18:56:00.001-07:00

I've been here since 2004. 5 years. I didn't realize I'd been blogging that long. I don't think anyone reads my blogs anymore but that's ok. I like to come back for sentimentality sake. I'm heartbroken that ALL of my private diary I had saved on my hard drive was obliterated a month ago as the hard drive died a slow and painful death. Normally they can get the information off the drive by mounting it on their server, but the drive wouldn't respond. Period. It was cold dead. Which means I lost pictures and documents from about 2007 onwards. Highly treasured photos at that. Maybe it's for the best that my kids don't read all that garbage I used to write about George. Entries upon entries of disgust, contempt, borderline hate. Maybe it is better to just put it all behind me and let them have what little memory of him they have left. Jake has no memory of him hardly at all, and Ry remembers very little. The memories will fade as they get older, I'm certain.

So what am I up to now? Well, the degree proved to be a waste of time, at least at this present point in my life. Due to legal ramifications that I won't go into, I can't get a job in that field. But God has seen fit to lead me to a much more satisfying and rewarding job. I have worked with Cloud 10 since April 19th of this year. I am an At Home Professional. I log into their Virtual Private Network, so it's a workstation of sorts on my computer, and I take Customer Service calls from my computer. Pretty good money for having a job where I can still be here with the kids, smoke at my desk, have no commute, and not have to buy a new wardrobe!

And herein, my friends, lies my reason for posting today. I have applied for a Supervisor position with the company. This would require me to move to the Denver, CO area. The kids are excited about the possible move. My mother is less than thrilled, to put it politely. However, this would be the fresh start that we so desperately need in our lives. I thought I would never live anywhere else but Texas, but I am praying desperately that I am accepted for this position. We are told to have faith when we pray, and I'm clinging with fingertips to that faith. I tend to get down on myself when I get my hopes up for something great, and sometimes I wonder if that's why God doesn't always answer my prayers the way I would so like Him to do, is because I didn't have faith and trust Him. This time, while I am worrying about it to some degree, I am also putting my absolute faith and trust in Him to do what's best for us. I have asked everyone I know to pray for me as well, that I get this position. So if you're reading this, I'm asking you too.

School starts Monday, Jake is going into 4th grade (his last year at elementary) and Ryan is going to 7th grade. Ry is still in the Community School for at least 3 weeks until school "settles in" and then we will meet to discuss his maturity over the summer and whether or not he should be allowed to move back to the regular campus. I dislike the meetings with the school, as I always leave there feeling unhappy and dissatisfied. This time, I have armor with me who will not back down. Back in March, I asked a friend from USM to share my place, and help each other out through some really financially difficult times we were both having. He's been a great mentor for the kids, even through they sometimes frustrate him like mad, and he's been a good companion for me. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, romantic afoot, and never will be. He is like the older sibling I never had. So, since he has an interest in Ryan's welfare and well-being, he will attend the meeting at the school with me, and we won't leave until we get him back into regular school. If they refuse, I'm going to legal aid and take it to court. If the court decides in the school's favor, I will take him out completely and homeschool him. I could rant and rave for hours about the things I dislike about this school, but I won't bore you with the details. I hate it, Ryan hates it. And I'm doing an injustice to my son to allow him to be forced to stay there.

I'll close...just keep me in prayer and I will update when I know more...

My Crazy December...

2008-12-29T20:09:00.000-08:00

December didn't start off so well. My dad passed away the 6th of this month, quite suddenly. Well, sorta. He was diagnosed with single cell carcinoma of the lung (lung cancer) 2 years ago this past November. They gave him a year to live. 2 years later, and he was doing ok. We'd noticed a general decline in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, he was sleeping more, taking more pain pills, etc. The Friday after Thanksgiving, my brother called my mother and told her she needed to get home and get Daddy to the emergency room, as something wasn't quite right. He declined rapidly and only lasted a little over a week.

Life is different without my daddy. I think of half a dozen things I need to ask him every day. From advice on bb guns, to car advice, to general chit chat I always enjoyed with him. I was too numb, too shocked when it first happened, but reality has begun to set in. My daddy is gone, and I feel a bit more colder in the world.

On top of this was the usual stress about Christmas. On a site I frequent (wwww.unsolvedmysteries.com, I'm author ID 63201), I'd posted about how my kids were going to have a bare Christmas, but we'd pull through, somehow. I really didn't post expecting anyone to respond with offers of gifts, but boy oh boy did my USM family come through! Long story short, my boys had the BEST Christmas they've ever had. We still haven't made it through all the toys they've receieved. It was most definitely a Christmas miracle.

Saturday, the 27th, was the 3rd anniversary of my husband's death. I didn't shed a tear. The pain is still there, but it's just a dull throb now. I never thought the day would come where I could think about him without crying, but it has. I'm still angry at him for a lot of unsolved things, but I know I can do nothing about it.

I had a rather interesting morning today. I can't go into too many details, as the person this is about, has a blog and I think reads mine too. However, I will say that her and her family were on my heart and mind this morning when I woke up. I don't know why, in particular, I wasn't dreaming about them, and hadn't been thinking of them when I went to bed. So I stumbled out of bed and headed for my computer for my morning smoke.

I kid you not, as clear as day I heard a voice tell me to move on what was in my heart. I do believe it was the voice of God. I've heard God speak in my heart before, but never with such force and clarity like He did today. I literally heard the words in my ears. I even looked around to make sure no one had come into my house and was speaking. I moved on what He told me to move on, and so far it has come to fruition. I take no personal claim in this, this was solely God's work. He has a purpose for everything, amazing grace!

I am a bit nervous, though. I applied for a work-at-home job, legitimate companies. One is more strict than the other about background and credit checks. So I'm going with the one that's a little less strict. I have a phone interview scheduled with the Human Resources department for Wednesday. If I get this job, I will have to travel an hour each way every day for 6 weeks before I can work from home (that's the training period.) Perfect attendance is required to be able to be hired. I pray for the gas money needed to get me back and forth (if I'm hired), it's only for 6 weeks and then I get to stay at home. Please pray for me, I need all the help I can get!

So that's December in a nutshell. One heck of a rollercoaster ride. May 2009 hold much brighter hope and light than 2008!

Another one under my belt...

2008-10-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

I seem to have a habit of blogging sporadically in huge lumps of life rather than dishing it out a little at a time. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I'm just too busy to say it :)
So what has happened since my last post in...May...it seems. Well, my ex-boyfriend moved out, that was a good/bad thing. Good in that it ended peacefully and I have my house and sanity back, and bad in that now I'm the one doing *everything* by myself, and frankly that scares me. I'm not too fond of getting up every single morning at 6 a.m. to ge the kids ready for school, either, but at least for now I do get to crash back in my chair after they're gone for a brief nap.

I finished college in August, got my Associate's Degree and even graduated with honors. First in my family on both parental sides to go to college and get a degree. What I'm going to do with a degree in Medical Billing and Coding now is anyone's guess. I haven't had much luck but with the economy and the state of employment as it is, it's not really a surprise. I am just going to have to start small and work my way up somewhere. I do have one option open to me right now, but won't hear anything back until Friday.

Well I have decided that this was the last Mom n Me cub scout campout I would be spending the night at. I took Jake and off we went bright and early Saturday morning. So early in fact, that I had to pull off the side of the road and sleep for 30 more minutes because I was doing a weaving dance down the highway. I didn't think the oncoming traffic would appreciate finding me on their side of the road. We get there and get the tent set up, and my brand new air mattress (double stack twin size) inflated. I need a bigger tent but I have 3 already and I'm tired of buying tents trying to find the perfect one.

All the events were fun, and I had a great time. I had a moderate case of heat exhaustion which triggered an asthma attack, but a few bottles of water later and I was ok. Jake and I even caught 2 perch down at the fishing hole. His was embarrassingly larger than mine. He did good at the archery, using a compound bow, hitting the target 3 times to my 2. BB guns he didn't do as hot at, he did ok but not great. Both boys have decided they'd like a bb gun for Christmas however, so that's in the planning. I just need to decide between pistol or rifle.

Anyways, fast forward to Saturday night of the campout. It was after 10pm, I'd taken everything but my sleeping pill (which I forgot and really didn't want to take anyway because I didn't want to be too groggy the next day), and I was settling down into the mattress for a cool night under the stars.

Except...

I couldn't get comfortable. When I first laid down, I thought "Ah now this is good." Except I don't sleep on my back, so that thought lasted all of 10 minutes. I discovered I didn't inflate the thing to full firmness, so I kept rolling from side to side. I flipped (struggled) to my side/stomach, where it wasn't much better. I still couldn't go to sleep. I had this problem when I went camping with Ry too, not being able to go to sleep. I laid there for who knows how long before I finally ended up in a fitful sleep.

Then Mother Nature tapped my shoulder at 4 a.m. Or rather, my bladder. Jumped on it full force. Stupid me had taken a diuretic that morning (DUH!) and not realized what it was going to do to me that night. I groped blindly for my glasses and shoes, and fell out of the tent in a mad dash. I knew I wasn't going to make the bathroom stall just a few yards away, so I ditched behind the tent quietly and let 'er rip.

Not too quietly, apparently. Jake woke up (actually I think he was talking in his sleep somewhat) and VERY loudly whispered "MOM, where are you? What are you doing?? MOM" and no matter how much I tried to shush him, he just kept it up. I finally told him I was headed to the bathroom and to be QUIET and go back to sleep. Finished my business and crawled back into the tent. Another fitful sleep for 3 hours until I woke to the sounds of the campsite, where mothers were fast-and-furiously breaking camp. We missed chapel service by 5 minutes, and by the time we got everything loaded up, I bribed Jake with a donut "or something like it" on the road rather than making the trek to the other end of camp for breakfast. We started the long haul to the car (with Jake pulling the wagon and me pushing along and steadying everything from behind) and made it home. I slept well that night, no sleep aid needed. And decided that my overnight camping would be a rare thing.

I'm still battling the insomnia, but I have cut caffeine out (goodbye Sonic sweet tea) and seem to have an easier time of it. I started taking melatonin and that helps tremendously as well. The odd thing is I lie there in bed thinking "Am I asleep yet? Why can't I sleep? Am I going? Am I dreaming?" as I toss and turn. I actually try to analyze whether I'm asleep or awake, and it drives me insane! Maybe after some more nights of restful sleep I won't worry about it so much.

I guess that's all for now. I've met someone new but we're in the very new beginning stages. We're still at the "just talking as friends" stage, haven't even went out on a date yet. He's out of state for a few more days, and then we'll see where we're headed from there. He's really a nice guy, likes kids, very down to earth and old fashioned like me. I'm just taking it nice and slow, one day at a time and seeing what happens.

Summer's already here?

2008-05-12T17:43:00.001-07:00

I seriously need a popup that says "Post a blog today!" to remind me to come here more often. So much happens so quickly these days in my life that I barely have time to check email, let alone set down and write a journal. I keep a private diary on my computer but no eyes will ever see that one until I leave it to my kids when I'm on my deathbed (or I think they're old enough to handle some hard truths about the past).
So let's start with romance. J and I didn't exactly work out, and the blame for that lies squarely on my shoulders. I realized a year into the relationship that I wasn't ready to commit to another long-term relationship, and that I moved too soon after George's death. My fear of being alone overrode any common sense I had at the time, and I ended up hurting people over it. We're in a "roommate" situation righ now while he makes the decision whether to move back to his home state or hang around here. I find myself wishing I could afford a larger house and us just share the bills, and have companionship for both of us until we meet "The Right One" in our lives, if ever. I don't see myself remarrying, honestly. I'm quite comfortable, at least for the moment, having no one to answer to but myself (and my kids), going where I please, when I please. My heart just can't take anymore heartache, so I don't see myself falling in love for a very long time, if ever.

Ry continues to give us heartache as he struggles with the onset of puberty. I am filling out an application for a boy's ranch some 3 hours from me, because I simply can't handle his meltdowns and behavior. I've had him placed in a psychiatric hospital twice since the beginning of the year, and to be honest, it's getting old. For the longest time, I felt like I was a bad mother because I couldn't "take care of my own" and deal with his problems privately, like I was raised to do. But it took a lot of counseling to realize that it's not me, it's just the situation. I've been to a lot of seminars, focus groups and workshops about dealing with the ups and downs of parenting an autistic child, but nothing I've tried seems to work with him. In no way does this mean I'm "giving up" on my child, I'm just finally realizing that there are professionals out there that can provide the level of help and care above what I can do. The stress from this decision has been immense.

My mother had open heart surgery Thursday the 8th, and seems to be doing quite well. She gave us quite a scare, and we realized she might've had a light heart attack. Seeing her in ICU after surgery was a huge wakeup call to me, as for most of my life I've followed in her health footsteps, and I don't want to end up like her. I smoke, she smoked (until her hospitalization), I'm overweight, she's overweight, I have swelling in my legs (edema), she has the same thing and has had for many years. She and I have both had lifetime issues with anxiety and panic attacks. The list goes on and on. My sister in law, for all of her quirks, and despite my personal feelings towards her behavior in the past, has really turned out to be my biggest motivator in finally deciding to change my lifestyle for the better. She's getting me involved in something called "Fitness for Life", which as far as I know right now, involves a lot of water exercising, yoga, nautilus, and the like. I'm nervous, but excited to see how things could turn out. My doctor put me on blood pressure (again, just like my mother) and to see if I could get some of the extra fluid off my body. I'm hoping to see a marked difference in a few weeks after starting this. I'm totally unhappy with my body and it's time to do something about it.

I gave up my dreams of ever becoming a working EMT. I almost had the last job, but I failed the oral clinical interview by 3 questions, as I freeze up on oral exams. Ik knew the information, but I froze when I was "tested" on it on the fly. So now I'm back in school for an Associate's Degree in Medical Billing & Coding. I graduate in August. 2 more sessions and I'm done. I'm a bit uncertain about my future, but I know that God will guide me to where I'm supposed to be in life. I'm just taking a bit more time to get there than others I know ;)

School is almost out for the kids, and in a way I'm relieved too as I get to sleep in a bit later each morning. It will also give me the summer to evaluate where we're going with Ryan's placement in a residential facility and make accomodations for that. I'm looking forward to a much more relaxed summer than I've had for the first half of this year!

I suppose I will post more later, and I'm vowing to stay more active here. I'm on several Guide teams on Everquest now, and I've added World of Warcraft to my repertoire of timesinks as well. But they're great stress relievers and a way to escape the stresses of the day for a little while.

Hope everyone who reads this has a great week :)

So I took this quiz...

2007-10-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

You know, one of those where you make a numbered list and write down certain things by certain numbers like "By the number 3, write down the name of a member of the opposite sex. And by number 7, write down the name of a song title." Those kind. Yeah. Then when you're done, it gives you the answers to what each of those things mean.

The creepy thing was it was right on target. I actually had tears in my eyes when I got to the last one, and it said "The song title in number 11 describes how you feel about your life." My song title was "Probably Shouldn't Be This Way" by LeAnn Rimes. I've often wondered why I was chosen to lead the life I do. I've done things to make it better, or thought I had, then I just backslide. I just wish upon a star I could catch that one major "lucky break." Just once.

I have my consult for the Lap-Band surgery on the 25th of this month. I'm now trying to race around getting tests and paperwork and all sorts of things needed for my insurance to pay for it. It's downright crazy. Let's think for a moment here. I live in one of the most technologically advanced, yet severely morbidly obese countries in the world. More people here die from things related to being obese than anywhere else on Earth. Yet, when you try to diet (and stick to it) and fail, and you're forced to go to a surgical alternative, the insurance companies throw a hissy fit. It's expensive, they say. It's complicated, it might not work, what if the weight returns. As if we don't question all that ourselves enough without them butting in!

But here's the kicker. If you're on disability, and get Medicare/Medicaid (the government insurance for disabled/poor/elderly folks, for those of you reading this who don't live in the USA), they will pay for years of you going in and out of the hospital for various complications due to high blood pressure, pneumonia, heart disease, heart attacks, diabetes...etc. Do you know how long you have to stay in the hospital if you have complications from diabetes? My cousin was in there for almost a MONTH, worrying every day that he was going to lose his foot, if not his whole leg. I hate to even dare to guess the cost of that hospital stay. But if you have M'care/M'caid, they pay it all, no sweat.

Let's also consider Medicare Part D, which is the prescription drug coverage. I pay $3 for each medicine, utnil the plan and I together have paid about $3k in drug costs. My medicines are very, very expensive, so normally I only have to actually pay for my medicines until mid-may or June, then the plan pays for the rest. How many people take medicine for diabetes (insulin), heart conditions, high blood pressure, thyroid, gallbladder, etc., where, if they had the ability to lose some weight, they might just get to stop taking most, if not all of those medicines?

To clarify, what I'm going on about is, if the state of the Medicare and Social Security system is so poor, why not approve an approximately $10,000 surgery (depending on when and where it happens, of course), enabling people to lead longer, healthier lives, rather than continue paying hundreds of thousands of dollars PER PERSON for hospital stays, medicines, doctor visits and the like? Enable people to have the choice to have the surgery, lose the weight, and get back into the workforce, thereby contributing to a better economy for all of us.

Naturally the weight loss success from surgery would depend on the person actually following doctor's orders and sticking to the diet prescribed. I realize that. But why not at least give it a chance? Give me a protein shake for a little while over a lifetime of insulin shots and heart medicine, ANY day of the week!

Sure, I'm nervous about this surgery. Half of me (the fat half) is scared of failing. Will I really be able to do this? The other half of me (the skinny half) is shouting "You go girl! You can do it!" and excited about being thinner and healthier again.

So I guess we'll see in 2 weeks. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Fall has fallen...

2007-09-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

Well as much "Fall" as it can get in September here anyways. Kiddos are back in school, and it's going..well...meh....ok I guess. Ry hasn't been the target of bullies yet, so I'm pretty thankful for that, but I'm still gonna be keeping an eye and ear out.
Jake isn't impressed with 2nd grade, I think he's bored, honestly. He asked me if he could just skip 2nd and go to 3rd grade, and I almost went for it.
But then I hark back to my days in elementary, when they wanted to advance me a grade, and my mom asked me about it, allegedly I said "no" and that I'd rather stay with my own class. So I'm thinking that even tho academically Jake may be ready for 3rd grade, emotionally he's not.
He's such an academic snob though. Seriously! He tells me quite frequently that he just wishes everyone would learn how to "shut their piehole" (gulp, a pickup from me, I'm afraid) and quit bugging him in class. I told him he wouldn't make many friends with that attitude, and he said "I don't need friends to get ahead when I'm grown up, I need to learn." So serious for one so young. He didn't really develop this attitude until after George died, so it may be some fallout from that.
Everything else seems to be going ok on the homefront. I still take care of my youngest niece during the day while I pine away looking for an EMT job. I'm getting so discouraged...so I decided to pick up another Associate's Degree, this one in Medical Billing and Coding, with an online school. Well, they're a regular brick and mortar campus, they just happen to have online classes, kinda like the college I got my EMT certification from. So in 15 months, if all goes well, I'll have my degree, and if the job search for EMT hasn't gotten any better, at least I'll have a backup plan.
I'm also considering Lap-Band surgery. I've reached my highest weight ever, and it's taking a physical, emotional and mental health toll on me. I've tried every other diet and diet aid I can afford, and nothing works. I think most of my weight gain came when I started the BiPolar med Risperdal. Evil stuff, going to talk to the doctor about getting off of it and trying something else.
Anyway. I'm back to guiding in the land of Norrath now. That's Everquest for you non-gamer folks :) Pretty happy doing it too.
Now if I can just get a few other thigns going my way, life will be pretty good.

Just...blah....

2007-07-31T12:49:00.000-07:00

That's how I'm feeling..just..blah. It's raining (again!) outside, and I'm hoping it doesn't rain next week when we take the kiddos to Six Flags. They've been waiting for this trip for a long, long time. And so have I, and J too ;) JJ and J have never been there, while I've been dozens of times in my life, and Ry has been once. So we're pretty hyped up about going.

That's about the only bright spot in my life right now. Got a letter from a lawyer in town that the bank is intending to sue me over a loan that I took out with George (late husband). I thought once they repo'ed the 2 cars that were part of the collateral, that'd be it and the rest would just go on my already-shabby credit report, and then it'd go into collections where I'd try to make measly little payments each month. So now I'm wondering, if they can indeed sue me and garnish my disability check? I'm pretty sure they can't take any money out of the boys' Social Security, but I can't afford for them to take any of mine either. I'm stretching the $$ now as far as it'll go, and having none left over at the end of the month.

But I did manage to get my computer back up and running, so no more laptop for me! Now it's just a matter of remembering everything I had installed on the old hard drive and reinstalling it on the new one. I'm just glad to be able to have a computer again! :)

And, as I mentioned in my last blog, I was trying to learn how to do YouTube videos... well, I discovered the "video" feature on my digital camera, and how to upload them, so here they are!

This is Ry, my oldest, he's 10:

and this one is JJ, he's 7:

At least I hope those show up lol I'm so excited that I figured it out!
I know all this other stuff will work out somehow. Faith. Perserverance. Determination. I'm trying...

End of summer almost near...

2007-07-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

Woooohooo can you hear it? I can. It's the sound of parents happily buying school supplies and clothes. Wait...what's that you say? You don't get happy about buying school stuff? Think about it this way...you're buying not just tools for your child's education, but tools for your PEACE and sanity to return for a little while.

Now I love my kids, really I do. But having a summer full of nothing but RAIN has driven them and me a bit batty. I promised at the first of June to set up their pool. Then the end of June. By mid-July we realized it wasn't happening. So we'll probably end up going to the lake if we catch a sunny day sometime to go swimming.

Of course with this "break" in sight, comes a bit of melancholy. Ry's going to 5th grade, and JJ's (yes JJ, his new nickname as my youngest niece can't pronounce his full name and we think it's cute) going to 2nd. And my oldest niece, who seemingly was only born just a few months ago, is starting Pre-K. But 5th and 2nd. They're at the age where they want me to take them to school the first day, but no hand-holding, no sloppy sugary kisses bye, and absolutely NO crying. JJ has said if I cry the first day of school, he'd rather take the bus.

So I had to promise to keep the tears inside. It's not as hard as when they first started school, but with Ry, he's going to Intermediate, which is kinda screwy in itself. 3rd grade he made the switch to intermediate, then they built a new elementary so for 4th grade he got moved back to elementary. Now he gets to go back to intermediate, so maybe it won't be too big of a shock since he's already somewhat familiar with the school.

So as I rejoice as my days of peace and quiet draw near (at least until I get a decent job), I am also saddened by the fact my babies aren't babies anymore (except in my heart) and are growing up. Far too fast.

Well...sigh

2007-07-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

My how things have changed since my last blog. I need to keep this on my "to-do" list and check in more often, if anyone actually reads this.

My husband died 2 days after Christmas '05. I did a Legacy.com tribute to him here.

The boys have coped with the loss so very differently. Ry's very emotional and has been hospitalized at Brentwood twice, and BHC once, since his death. My boy just doesn't know how to deal with it. Jake on the other hand, is very non-emotional about it. He sheds a tear or two when we visit the cemetary, but then he's over it and ready to go. He's very...cold? indifferent? when we talk about George at home.

Life is...different... without George. I don't miss the fighting, or the affairs, or any of the "bad" stuff, but I miss talking to him. I miss the George I fell in love with. The George who cried the day our children were born and told me I looked beautiful right after delivering them. Sometimes I feel like Ryan, and wish with all my heart I could find a way to bring him back. Some way to go back in time and stop the events that happened in the wee hours of December 27.

However, I've met someone, James, who moved in with us in January of this year. Jake is all over him and I fear his memories of George may be receding quicker than Ry's. James loves me for who I am, what I am, and loves the boys as if they were his own. The fact that he's 22 to my 36 years of age, doesn't play much of a factor in the relationship, other than it feels awkward sometimes after being married to a man 9 years older than me.

I still haven't found an EMT job. They're pretty scarce, and with my legal issues, I worry that I won't find a job until those issues are resolved completely. I want to go back to paramedic school, but I don't have the $900 I owe the school for a failed attempt at paramedic school last year. I went back too soon after George's death, and wasn't really prepared to deal with life, much less drip rate calculations and IV lines. So I'm going to work on paying the school a little at a time and try next year. Meanwhile, the search for the perfect EMT job continues...

I do have a myspace... here and that's where I post most of my pictures. I haven't learned how to do youtube videos yet, or I'd have some of those too.

As far as Norrath and Everquest, I'm no longer a guide. Part of a long story that I don't feel like going into. I do miss it though. It seems that I've started an almost brand-new life that I didn't ask for, but I have no choice but to make the best of.

And life rolls on...

I really am still alive...

2005-11-25T11:02:00.000-08:00

What a wild freaking rollercoaster called Life do I ride! I'm almost done with EMT school, started back in August. Part of the reason little bloggie-do here has been ignored. Gotta keep up on that. I'll get better at it, I promise.
Neuro crap is still going round, but at least I have a doctor now that knows what she's doing? Mr. Roly Poly neuro just laughed everything off so I finally laughed HIM off and went somewhere else. Still don't know what's going to happen (do any of us, really?), just taking it one headache--err, day, at a time.
Had to admit Ry to a behaviorial health center last month. Didn't realize he was that depressed and suicidal. Yes, at 8 years old, it happens. 10 days and a new Rx later, he's a changed child. I'm not exactly thrilled about meds, but considering that he got BiPolar added to his Dx of Autism, whatever helps him to lead a more normal life, works for me.
Thanksgiving....well....it was hard. My pappaw died in July, and I knew this first year without him at the holidays was gonna be rough. Seeing all of us grandkids together with our babies, who'd never grow up with his quick smile and wit, and lots of love, just about did me in. I know he was watching over us, though. I felt him there with us. Saying grace was always his job, and it just wasn't the same this year... Christmas is gonna be worse, I can feel it.

Scams. Stupid freaking scams. Yeah I got caught up in one. Burnt for over $5k. At least the fool was stupid enough to put his real phone number on the FedEx containing the counterfeit money orders, so now I can bust him. Chances of getting money back are slim to none, but at least that'll be one more turd out of the gene pool, IF our "justice" system throws him away somewhere.

Oh, so much more I need to write, but gotta jet to ride the pretty box with the flashing lights and screaming sirens.

If it's not one thing...

2005-04-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

Gonna keep this short and sweet because I feel just the opposite. I've been feeling a little dizzy for about a week or so, and finally called the doctor. So I go in for some bloodwork, and pass smooth out in front of the hospital. That earned me a nice long visit in the ER. Couldn't even go pee by myself. They got my MRI from a few years back when this happened and did a CT scan on me. Looks like the hydrocephalus they found about 3 years ago is up to it's old tricks again. Couldn't tell much except that their was definitely pressure from fluid buildup on the brain stem (oh? so THAT is why I feel like my head is about to split wide open? Gee I would've never guessed...) and an "indeterminate area" of "something" on the right side of my brain. How comforting. So all I know for now is that I'm dizzy, I'm sleepy because of the meds they've got me on, and at the same time can't sleep because I'm edgy and have to pee every 30 minutes because of the diuretics I'm on to attempt to relieve some of the pressure. So it's another MRI for me next week. Have you ever been in one of those sliding coffins? The first one I had was an "open" MRI, which is an oxymoron. Get a Jason-style mask slapped on you and shoved between two giant steel hamburger buns. I can only imagine the horror of a closed casket--I mean, MRI.
I will try to keep this page updated as I can but it's only possible right now for me to sit here for about an hour at a time, because I get that edgy yet sleepy feeling...ugh. I wanted to beg em to drill a hole in my head and just let it get out on it's own. The doctor was not amused.
Waterlogged, indeed.

It's been HOW long??? Day-um.

2005-04-04T20:39:00.000-07:00

Poor little bloggie sitting over here all alone. Wow things have changed muchly since the last post. I got the Cast From Hell removed, I never thought scratching a simple itch could be near-orgasmic. Good news is, the the foot has HEALED!!! Last x-rays showed complete fusion of the bones, which is what SHOULD have happened after the 2nd surgery from Dr. Hatchett (not his real name, duh). I've also left my job at the call center, there's only so much idiocy I can listen to in a year, and I found a better-paying, less stressful job anyways. So I guess it doesn't matter if I slip every now and then when I'm typing 90 wpm (yes, that's right) and slip in my name or my kiddo's name by accident.
Just got back from an autism conference in Austin. My brain is about 3 times the size it was before with the sheer volume of information I tried to absorb. Thank God for the 200-lb notebook they gave us with copies of all the slides and room for notes! Helluva time lugging THAT thing around. Stayed at the Omni, and I just gotta say "DAMN what a hotel!!" They majorly screwed up my reservation, and we ended up getting a room on the executive floor out of it. Works for me. Specially that mini-bar. Shame I don't drink or I would've been toast. Snagged a little bottle of gin just cause it was pretty, it's now in residence in my curio cabinet. Someone might enjoy a sip o'that in about 50 years LOL! Jacuzzi tub was nice, I'm planning on installing one of those babies as soon as I have a master bathroom set up.
Well, sat R down today and, having decided it was time, explained Asperger's Syndrome to him. I thought he was gonna freak and go off on a "I'm gonna die" meltdown, but he took it pretty well. Picked up a nifty little workbook at the conference geared towards the child, and it helped me answer some questions I didn't even know he had. Some "friends" were fairly mean to him today, and he was upset, so The Dad made a call to one of the boy's dads, who happens to be our Cubmaster. I think the sitch will resolve itself. If not, Mama is gonna jump in next. My mom and dad had the kids over the weekend, and sent R to school in a new t-shirt with the silly little wal-mart size tag sticker doo-hickey still attached down the side, and the poor bub never even noticed. Apparently that was the reason for the "your clothes are stupid" comment from his "friends." Let me say now that I am ashamed that I grew up in this school. With a few exceptions, they do very little for the autistic child, or most any child with special needs. Perchance I can afford the Christian school in a nearby town soon, and it will become a non-issue. I hate to change his life in such a drastic manner, but I think he would be happier in the long run. Anyone from Gilmer ISD, let me say this: YOUR SCHOOL SUCKS!!!!!! How things have changed since I graduated in 89. Methinks I will be popping in for a visit to share one of the books I bought, with Ryan's class, when he's away in one of his resource classes.
Life still goes on in Norrath, I'm now a guide on one of the servers there. Still playing Taliyahna mostly on Karana, although it's a pain in the arse to find a decent group at level 54. Wizards, for all their firepower, simply aren't the most desired class around. Screw 'em when they ask me for help then, is now my motto.
I guess I'll add more later as I remember it. At least this time I remembered to bookmark the page to get back to it. And thanks to Terra for the post which reminded me I had a blog hiding over here!
Love peace and Cheerios,
Da Mom

Auntie X 2!

2005-01-18T09:31:00.000-08:00

Well this was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. My delicate, gorgeous niece Alexiana Mekenzie was born shortly after 4 this morning. And I got to stay in the room while they delivered her! I know most people would freak and say "WHY?" but it was just awesome. I'd never really seen a baby being born other than on tv, and as for my own two, was a little hard to focus between the screaming and rattling of bedrails. She's just so teeny, head full of hair, like a little doll! The boys are anxious to see her, of course, but as she's a little premature they're going to have to wait until she's brought home.
This is just the NEATEST thing, I have the 2 boys, and my brother has the 2 girls now. Cool, eh?

"Oh it won't hurt much"..

2004-11-05T19:57:00.000-08:00

Famous last words. For six months last year, I endured pain in my foot that I thought was never going to end. Four surgeries in six months, I thought "Hey, it's over..whew"..little ache here and there, thought "oh just healing pains.." Here I am almost 2 years since the first surgery, and this thing f'ing HURTS. Like swelling up to double it's size hurts. Go to a different DPM, and guess what? Foot was never fixed! Awww hell naw, not another surgery..."Yes'm, 'fraid so.." the doc says..."But this one will hopefully fix everything and get it all healed." HOPEFULLY??? After much go-round and thinking, I went for it...Oh. Mother of God. The Pain. It did not hurt this bad at any point last year. I've got this heavy huge f'ing cast almost to my knee, the top of my foot feels like it's been beaten with a ball peen hammer, and then I've got "The Itch." Ya know, the one spot you feel like you're going to die RIGHT-THIS-MOMENT if you don't scratch it, but you can't reach it. And I don't get the cast off for another week and few days. Screw Darvocet, give me the good stuff, the big V. Now I get pretty stoopid on pain pills, as I have a low threshold for most medicines. Vicodin just plain knocks me on my ass. But I'm fairly lucid now, for a little while, and I've got to say, do NOT attempt to play games such as EQ while up on the pain pills...It just ain't happenin, my friends. You'll be mowed down so fast you won't have time to say "Help me Tunare."
This crap better heal and heal fast or I'm going to lose what's left of my mind...
Viva Las Vegas! ;)

Return from Hell and a vent turned Thank You

2004-10-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

My God. I feel like I have been beaten from head to toe with a 4X4. I'm 33 chronologically, but I'm trapped inside a 133 year old body. Not only did my car blow a radiator hose on the way to Mom n Me, but then I couldn't get the freakin' tent up once we FINALLY got there. I want to find the man that made this tent and serve him fried scrotum for breakfast. "The easiest tent on the market." WHAT market? The market that only serves 6ft-plus tall amazon gods/goddesses? Got it all staked out, supposed to be able to just pull this little hub thing down and voila it snaps it into place. Fellow pack mom friend of mine (who is shorter than my just-barely 5'2") stood on a chair and between the two of us looking like candidates for "America's Funniest Videos" we got the stupid thing up. By then I was already ready for a couple of rounds of Jose, and I don't even drink! But the fun had just begun! Hiked here, hiked there, shot a few rounds, nailed a few pie tins with corn and a slingshot, pitched a few tomahawks, activities, listened to a whining ever-growing-tired child, dinner, and collapsed in front of the fire for some weenies and marshmallows. R went to bed early, he had the right idea! Stayed up and talked for a bit, then hit the shower. Now let me tell you something. There is something perversely erotic to me about showering (ALONE!!! my child refused to budge to go shower) in a community-type shower area with the moonlight streaming down and nothing but just 'wide open spaces' except for a little tin wall up around the shower heads. Several moms in there and kids, but we all weren't that 'liberated' so we took turns. OMG I'm installing an outdoor shower at home just for this purpose...showering in the moonlight with just me and nature...*ahem* anyway...
Trek back to the campsite, fall into bed (the airbed, just as I said, I refuse to ever 'do' sleeping bags again), drift off and wake up 'sometime in the middle of the night' to muffled snuffling. All mom instincts on full alert, I turned to R to see what was wrong, and the stink was LAUGHING. Woke me up at God only knows what time to LAUGH because someone a tent over was snoring hard enough to bring their tent down on them. Which of course got ME to giggling. And we lay there giggling into our pillows until we both collapsed into sleep again. Well, ONE of us did. Who proceeded to snore just as loudly so that I had "Snoring, Surround Sound Style." Finally fell asleep just to be woke up a few minutes (I swear it was!) later for chapel. Now there is something inherently beautiful about hiking up to a chapel in the woods to hear "How Great Thou Art" (my favorite hymnal) being played very soulfully on the harmonica. Gave me chills...Ditto with Amazing Grace a few minutes later..Breakfast, and then home, (I won't even talk about "breakdown" of camp...) where I fell into bed exhausted and just woke up a few hours ago.
Now, my rant for the day. Be warned, I get pissed thinking about it again and should my "french" slip, I apologize in advance. But, this is a subject I feel passionately about. Last night, we had a ceremonial disposal of 5 American flags. There were 2 scouts and their mothers sitting in front of us, and during the whole council ring campfire, they had been fairly disrespectful, talking while other packs were doing their skits, etc. I finally had enough and said (rather loudly) "Signs up means SHUT UP." I think they took the hint. So, when we came around to the flag disposal, it is protocol that you stand and, should you be in uniform, at attention and salute when given the command, should you be a civillian, place your hand over your heart. Such is the Scout way. However, you do NOT just throw the flags on top of a pitiful little bonfire, OPEN. They are to be folded and placed in a barrel (look it up on the net for more details if you really want to know). The way they did it is akin to the idiots who burn flags in the streets to protest or for some other boneheaded reason. These 2 scouts were looking around, talking, laughing, one mom was digging around in her purse and messing with her cellphone. Now in Cub Scouts, we have "shared parenting/leading." Meaning, if I catch your scout doing something he shouldn't, I'm going to say something to correct the situation, and I expect you to do the same to mine. So I lean forward and "gently" corrected the boys (and their mothers!) on the proper behavior. Ok, stop laughing, you all know me too well. What I actually said was "Men and women died under those flags so you could be free, you could at least show a little respect or leave." They stared at me like I'd grown 3 heads until they saw the "Den Leader" patch on my shirt. Turned and snapped to attention, mom left the cellphone alone and finally paid attention. So the council will be getting a little email on how to properly dispose of a worn American flag. I was not the only one who noticed, and this is not the first time the same man has done it this way. I take patriotism extremely seriously (especially since my ancestors were "original owners" of this land), and I was infuriated. How hard is it to shut off your damned cellphones, pay attention to your child and respect this humble flag that grants us all the freedoms that we have today, because countless numbers have died to protect it? I am not saying America is perfect, but you know what? We are probably the most free nation in the world. We are free to do things like we did last night, come together, people of all races and religions, and sit around a campfire and roast marshmallows and weiners, and play together and shower naked in the moonlight because we WANT to, not because we HAVE to. Ever notice the number of "POW" and "Disabled Vet" plates floating around on cars? Do you sigh in frustration and curse them silently to "hurry up old man." Or do you thank God that he (or she!) took up the mantle to endure tortures that none of us could even imagine so YOU or your children don't have to? It brought a lot of things home last night to me, and to my son.
9-11 brought a resurgence of American pride, for a short time, then it became almost commercial. For me, "Taps" still brings tears to my eyes, as does the national anthem. They're more than words and music, they're notes of lives cut short, lives dedicated to making sure that ungrateful idiots such as the ones last night still have the freedoms they don't deserve. I've made a point to make sure that neither of my children ever take that for granted.
So while I sit here and bitch and moan and joke about life, I know exactly who to thank for giving me the right to do just that. Do you?

Camping? Sure why not!

2004-10-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

Yeehaw. It's good ol' scout camping time, Mom n Me style...leaving at the buttcrack of dawn to be exact, long before any human being under the age of 99 should be forced to awaken (do old people wake up early because they're afraid they'll wake up dead if they dont? :P )...traipsing off to camp, activities here there and yonder, some marshmallows and weenies over the fire, sleep, upsy-daisy, chapel and breakfast and back home. At least I learned from last year. Mama Cubs out there, HEAR MY CALL. You simply must have some essentials. First and foremost, a wagon. Yep, good ol' Radio Flyer. Do not attempt to walk 3 f'ing miles to your campsite toting everything you own plus the shit your kid gets tired of carrying 2 minutes into the hike. Spend the buckage and get a wagon. Nextly (wtf was that word?), get thyself an inflatable air bed. Screw the sleeping on the ground crap. NO sleeping bag is that soft. I'm too young to wake up feeling like I'm a 2X4 trying to bend and stand. And for God's sake don't forget the 2000% DEET bug repellent, or you will hear the scratching and whining of your beloved monster for days. Not to mention your own itching and whining, which only compounds the irritation of listening to it from someone else. DEET cause cancer, they say? Yeah maybe when I'm 100 but who the hell CARES then??? Everything kills us, it's life. It's only temporary, deal with it.
Violate camp policy. Bring wine. Wine coolers. Whatever. After what you will experience, you will need it. And the kids don't care, and can't read in the dark anyways. Give em some sticks and bags o'marshamallows and weenies, tell em not to fall in that huge-ass fire pit, and kick back and relax amongst thyselves. Gossip, talk about how much men suck, throw the girls with the perfect husbands and lives into the aforementioned fire from hell, and laugh. Lots. It's a long night on that ground. Especially if you have a fraidy cat as a tent-sharer. I spent last year with R glued to my ass all night, not only because we were idiots and thought "hey it's warm now, it'll stay that way all night" to discover it dropped to NINETY BELOW ZERO in a few hours, but also because he was afraid of the dark. Well so am I but I know that there are no bears, everyone in our den was within screaming distance, and I have pepper spray and a really big freaking flashlight. He spent 30 minutes making sure the tent was zipped down to the last tooth "just so nothing would get in" (besides the BUGS you mean????) and then became like the hunch on Notre Dame's back to my backside. Kids, gotta love em. Yes, you do. Not only because they're life's miracles, but if you don't, then you're a sucky human being who deserves the evils of CPS upon your life.
Anyway, ye shalt notice I changed a few things about this blog..removed most identifying details n such..I just got finished reading over at www.dooce.com and that really blows. She got fired for her PERSONAL blog! I hope I never work for a company that invades upon private space like that. Just the same, I don't need someone who I speak to, or a fellow employee, getting pissy and deciding to email my supervisor.
Anyhoodles....I suppose it's time to go to bed so I can wake up earlier than God himself and hope I can remember how to start the car and drive in a straight line. Just follow the lines, just follow the lines...
*smooch* to my Sparky ;)
"Da Mom"

Hey! The village needs their idiot back!

2004-10-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

Thank God I'm going to be on leave soon. I need a break from the "poop in the gene pool" of life. Yesterday, I got wrote up on some incredibly inane thing, and yes I think it was a personal thing. Other supervisors said they wouldn't have done it, would've let it slide because I'm a "good employee." But whatever. So I've been having fun taking it out on the agents. *snicker* The ones that just slllaaaayyy me are the idiots such as Abdul (not his real name but hell they're all the same and we can't be doing any slandering now can we?) who called me this morning and wanted me to run about 3 applications for him. I inquired as to whether he had our proprietary software for agents to run their own apps. "Why yes, but you can do it for me" he replied. After last night, this was NOT the best thing to say to me. I told good ol' Abdul that he was quite capable of doing it himself, and that we weren't his babysitters to sit around and hold his hand through his job, and hey if I do it for him, would he send me his commission for it? He tried to call ME lazy, said we were all lazy, and I was so blown away by the sheer hilarity of it that I couldn't even get out the words "Eat curry and die." I finally managed the words "No, agents like yourself who have the software in front of their face but can't be bothered to do it themselves are lazy." And of course he hung up and most likely called someone else to whine to. GET A CLUE, We're NOT here for YOU. We never stop working for the CUSTOMER, not for lazy Abduls who think we should do their every bidding.
Morons. It's amazing that they managed to find a few smart enough to destroy some of our nations most treasured landmarks but they can't navigate a simple computer system. Go figure.
And no, I'm not racist, I hate everyone equally, just for the record.

Ok now I'll intro myself

2004-10-16T23:11:00.000-07:00

Now with the vent outta the way I'll say howdy. My real name isn't important, 'specially cuz of who I work for, I don't need anyone starting crap. Anyhoo, I'm BuckeyeMom. I have 2 purdy lil' boys, "R" and "J", 7 and 5, and married to "G". My boys are my life, "R" is autistic, Asperger's Syndrome actually, and while life has been a struggle for him and us both as we learn to deal with it, I can't say that I'd change a thing. Both are smart as a whip, J is 5 going on 15 at times ("I can read this, I can read that, I can read this.." until someone says "OK ENOUGH ALREADY!!!")
I play Everquest, am quite addicted actually. It's my one vice, except for Wint-O-Green Lifesavers (and no damnit I can't get em to spark in the dark when I chew em). Should you play, I am Taliyahna, Natilya, Davenya, and Kirnora on the Karana server. No, I don't care about hearing about any other games, nor do I care why you think EQ sucks. Post that crap somewhere else.
I have a beyooooootiful niece, Miss Bre, and another one on the way, due in January. I am the proudest auntie ever! But I'm begging my brother and SIL to please give her a white-girl name, the other one just sounded too...ethnic....
I'll eventually post something about my hobbies n stuff, as I go, so I won't bore ya with the details now...I got an adventure waitin' on a certain wizard ;)
Peace out!

How many cellular agents does it take to sink a state?

2004-10-16T22:51:00.000-07:00

Not a good way to start off a blog I suppose, but I just got home from work, and I swear I'd like to help the ocean dump California off the map. I work for a certain cellular company, in the activations department, which means I get to help agents on the West coast activate, among other things, phones for our 4-million-and-growing customers. The only problem with this is that about 1 out of ever 3 I talk to is either named Pablo, Abdul, Chong, or Little Johnny still in high school. Now before you call me a racist, shut your pie hole and listen. I deal with all kinds of crap for 11 hours a day and don't need yours. How HARD is it, really, to read a screen and follow the directions? Do you REALLY need me to stay on the phone with you FIFTEEN MINUTES so you can press four little buttons to see if a phone is activated? I don't even talk to my MOM fifteen minutes at a time, do I really want to listen to you jacking around with your buddies while you play with this phone for that long????? And yes, we DO laugh at you after we hang up, and yes we have "agent horror stories" sharing-time. It's a good stress reliever to laugh at the sheer ignorance of that many people concentrated in one location.
And for you complete morons that think cursing at us or getting major 'tude helps your case, WrOnG-o BuCk-O. Gives us great pleasure to hit the "Release" aka "Drop the asshole into the great black void of nothingness" button. You only prove my point of stupidity. Actually these guys are pretty good to have fun with, so maybe we oughta leave them be. I enjoy screwing with their heads a little...
So for a little English lesson....It's ZERO...repeat ZERO, not JERO, not ERO. ZZZZZZero. We count one two THREE, not tree. A tree has leaves and branches and birdies that shit on you when you walk under em. When you're giving me a number you'd better damn well know how to say it. TREE, JERO and FIE do not fit in my billing system. Live in our country, speak our language. Correctly, please.
I did this a little bass-ackards, giving a vent before an intro but I'm tired and in pain and just really don't care. So deal with it. Peace. And cell phones!