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Well...*sigh*

My how things have changed since my last blog. I need to keep this on my "to-do" list and check in more often, if anyone actually reads this.

My husband died 2 days after Christmas '05. I did a Legacy.com tribute to him here.

The boys have coped with the loss so very differently. Ry's very emotional and has been hospitalized at Brentwood twice, and BHC once, since his death. My boy just doesn't know how to deal with it. Jake on the other hand, is very non-emotional about it. He sheds a tear or two when we visit the cemetary, but then he's over it and ready to go. He's very...cold? indifferent? when we talk about George at home.

Life is...different... without George. I don't miss the fighting, or the affairs, or any of the "bad" stuff, but I miss talking to him. I miss the George I fell in love with. The George who cried the day our children were born and told me I looked beautiful right after delivering them. Sometimes I feel like Ryan, and wish with all my heart I could find a way to bring him back. Some way to go back in time and stop the events that happened in the wee hours of December 27.

However, I've met someone, James, who moved in with us in January of this year. Jake is all over him and I fear his memories of George may be receding quicker than Ry's. James loves me for who I am, what I am, and loves the boys as if they were his own. The fact that he's 22 to my 36 years of age, doesn't play much of a factor in the relationship, other than it feels awkward sometimes after being married to a man 9 years older than me.

I still haven't found an EMT job. They're pretty scarce, and with my legal issues, I worry that I won't find a job until those issues are resolved completely. I want to go back to paramedic school, but I don't have the $900 I owe the school for a failed attempt at paramedic school last year. I went back too soon after George's death, and wasn't really prepared to deal with life, much less drip rate calculations and IV lines. So I'm going to work on paying the school a little at a time and try next year. Meanwhile, the search for the perfect EMT job continues...

I do have a myspace... here and that's where I post most of my pictures. I haven't learned how to do youtube videos yet, or I'd have some of those too.

As far as Norrath and Everquest, I'm no longer a guide. Part of a long story that I don't feel like going into. I do miss it though. It seems that I've started an almost brand-new life that I didn't ask for, but I have no choice but to make the best of.

And life rolls on...

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