You want me to do WHAT?

You know, one of those where you make a numbered list and write down certain things by certain numbers like "By the number 3, write down the name of a member of the opposite sex. And by number 7, write down the name of a song title." Those kind. Yeah. Then when you're done, it gives you the answers to what each of those things mean. The creepy thing was it was right on target. I actually had tears in my eyes when I got to the last one, and it said "The song title in number 11 describes how you feel about your life." My song title was "Probably Shouldn't Be This Way" by LeAnn Rimes. I've often wondered why I was chosen to lead the life I do. I've done things to make it better, or thought I had, then I just backslide. I just wish upon a star I could catch that one major "lucky break." Just once. I have my consult for the Lap-Band surgery on the 25th of this month. I'm now trying to race around getting tests and paperwork and all

Well as much "Fall" as it can get in September here anyways. Kiddos are back in school, and it's going..well...meh....ok I guess. Ry hasn't been the target of bullies yet, so I'm pretty thankful for that, but I'm still gonna be keeping an eye and ear out. Jake isn't impressed with 2nd grade, I think he's bored, honestly. He asked me if he could just skip 2nd and go to 3rd grade, and I almost went for it. But then I hark back to my days in elementary, when they wanted to advance me a grade, and my mom asked me about it, allegedly I said "no" and that I'd rather stay with my own class. So I'm thinking that even tho academically Jake may be ready for 3rd grade, emotionally he's not. He's such an academic snob though. Seriously! He tells me quite frequently that he just wishes everyone would learn how to "shut their piehole" (gulp, a pickup from me, I'm afraid) and quit bugging him in class. I told him he wouldn'

That's how I'm feeling..just..blah. It's raining (again!) outside, and I'm hoping it doesn't rain next week when we take the kiddos to Six Flags. They've been waiting for this trip for a long, long time. And so have I, and J too ;) JJ and J have never been there, while I've been dozens of times in my life, and Ry has been once. So we're pretty hyped up about going. That's about the only bright spot in my life right now. Got a letter from a lawyer in town that the bank is intending to sue me over a loan that I took out with George (late husband). I thought once they repo'ed the 2 cars that were part of the collateral, that'd be it and the rest would just go on my already-shabby credit report, and then it'd go into collections where I'd try to make measly little payments each month. So now I'm wondering, if they can indeed sue me and garnish my disability check? I'm pretty sure they can't take any money out of the boys'

Woooohooo can you hear it? I can. It's the sound of parents happily buying school supplies and clothes. Wait...what's that you say? You don't get happy about buying school stuff? Think about it this way...you're buying not just tools for your child's education, but tools for your PEACE and sanity to return for a little while. Now I love my kids, really I do. But having a summer full of nothing but RAIN has driven them and me a bit batty. I promised at the first of June to set up their pool. Then the end of June. By mid-July we realized it wasn't happening. So we'll probably end up going to the lake if we catch a sunny day sometime to go swimming. Of course with this "break" in sight, comes a bit of melancholy. Ry's going to 5th grade, and JJ's (yes JJ, his new nickname as my youngest niece can't pronounce his full name and we think it's cute) going to 2nd. And my oldest niece, who seemingly was only born just a few months ago, is st

My how things have changed since my last blog. I need to keep this on my "to-do" list and check in more often, if anyone actually reads this. My husband died 2 days after Christmas '05. I did a Legacy.com tribute to him here . The boys have coped with the loss so very differently. Ry's very emotional and has been hospitalized at Brentwood twice, and BHC once, since his death. My boy just doesn't know how to deal with it. Jake on the other hand, is very non-emotional about it. He sheds a tear or two when we visit the cemetary, but then he's over it and ready to go. He's very...cold? indifferent? when we talk about George at home. Life is...different... without George. I don't miss the fighting, or the affairs, or any of the "bad" stuff, but I miss talking to him. I miss the George I fell in love with. The George who cried the day our children were born and told me I looked beautiful right after delivering them. Sometimes I feel like Ryan, and