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Camping? Sure why not!

Yeehaw. It's good ol' scout camping time, Mom n Me style...leaving at the buttcrack of dawn to be exact, long before any human being under the age of 99 should be forced to awaken (do old people wake up early because they're afraid they'll wake up dead if they dont? :P )...traipsing off to camp, activities here there and yonder, some marshmallows and weenies over the fire, sleep, upsy-daisy, chapel and breakfast and back home. At least I learned from last year. Mama Cubs out there, HEAR MY CALL. You simply must have some essentials. First and foremost, a wagon. Yep, good ol' Radio Flyer. Do not attempt to walk 3 f'ing miles to your campsite toting everything you own plus the shit your kid gets tired of carrying 2 minutes into the hike. Spend the buckage and get a wagon. Nextly (wtf was that word?), get thyself an inflatable air bed. Screw the sleeping on the ground crap. NO sleeping bag is that soft. I'm too young to wake up feeling like I'm a 2X4 trying to bend and stand. And for God's sake don't forget the 2000% DEET bug repellent, or you will hear the scratching and whining of your beloved monster for days. Not to mention your own itching and whining, which only compounds the irritation of listening to it from someone else. DEET cause cancer, they say? Yeah maybe when I'm 100 but who the hell CARES then??? Everything kills us, it's life. It's only temporary, deal with it.
Violate camp policy. Bring wine. Wine coolers. Whatever. After what you will experience, you will need it. And the kids don't care, and can't read in the dark anyways. Give em some sticks and bags o'marshamallows and weenies, tell em not to fall in that huge-ass fire pit, and kick back and relax amongst thyselves. Gossip, talk about how much men suck, throw the girls with the perfect husbands and lives into the aforementioned fire from hell, and laugh. Lots. It's a long night on that ground. Especially if you have a fraidy cat as a tent-sharer. I spent last year with R glued to my ass all night, not only because we were idiots and thought "hey it's warm now, it'll stay that way all night" to discover it dropped to NINETY BELOW ZERO in a few hours, but also because he was afraid of the dark. Well so am I but I know that there are no bears, everyone in our den was within screaming distance, and I have pepper spray and a really big freaking flashlight. He spent 30 minutes making sure the tent was zipped down to the last tooth "just so nothing would get in" (besides the BUGS you mean????) and then became like the hunch on Notre Dame's back to my backside. Kids, gotta love em. Yes, you do. Not only because they're life's miracles, but if you don't, then you're a sucky human being who deserves the evils of CPS upon your life.
Anyway, ye shalt notice I changed a few things about this blog..removed most identifying details n such..I just got finished reading over at www.dooce.com and that really blows. She got fired for her PERSONAL blog! I hope I never work for a company that invades upon private space like that. Just the same, I don't need someone who I speak to, or a fellow employee, getting pissy and deciding to email my supervisor.
Anyhoodles....I suppose it's time to go to bed so I can wake up earlier than God himself and hope I can remember how to start the car and drive in a straight line. Just follow the lines, just follow the lines...
*smooch* to my Sparky ;)
"Da Mom"

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