You want me to do WHAT?

I seem to have a habit of blogging sporadically in huge lumps of life rather than dishing it out a little at a time. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I'm just too busy to say it :) So what has happened since my last post in...May...it seems. Well, my ex-boyfriend moved out, that was a good/bad thing. Good in that it ended peacefully and I have my house and sanity back, and bad in that now I'm the one doing *everything* by myself, and frankly that scares me. I'm not too fond of getting up every single morning at 6 a.m. to ge the kids ready for school, either, but at least for now I do get to crash back in my chair after they're gone for a brief nap. I finished college in August, got my Associate's Degree and even graduated with honors. First in my family on both parental sides to go to college and get a degree. What I'm going to do with a degree in Medical Billing and Coding now is anyone's guess. I haven't had much luck but with the e...

I seriously need a popup that says "Post a blog today!" to remind me to come here more often. So much happens so quickly these days in my life that I barely have time to check email, let alone set down and write a journal. I keep a private diary on my computer but no eyes will ever see that one until I leave it to my kids when I'm on my deathbed (or I think they're old enough to handle some hard truths about the past). So let's start with romance. J and I didn't exactly work out, and the blame for that lies squarely on my shoulders. I realized a year into the relationship that I wasn't ready to commit to another long-term relationship, and that I moved too soon after George's death. My fear of being alone overrode any common sense I had at the time, and I ended up hurting people over it. We're in a "roommate" situation righ now while he makes the decision whether to move back to his home state or hang around here. I find myself wishing I ...

You know, one of those where you make a numbered list and write down certain things by certain numbers like "By the number 3, write down the name of a member of the opposite sex. And by number 7, write down the name of a song title." Those kind. Yeah. Then when you're done, it gives you the answers to what each of those things mean. The creepy thing was it was right on target. I actually had tears in my eyes when I got to the last one, and it said "The song title in number 11 describes how you feel about your life." My song title was "Probably Shouldn't Be This Way" by LeAnn Rimes. I've often wondered why I was chosen to lead the life I do. I've done things to make it better, or thought I had, then I just backslide. I just wish upon a star I could catch that one major "lucky break." Just once. I have my consult for the Lap-Band surgery on the 25th of this month. I'm now trying to race around getting tests and paperwork and all...

Well as much "Fall" as it can get in September here anyways. Kiddos are back in school, and it's going..well...meh....ok I guess. Ry hasn't been the target of bullies yet, so I'm pretty thankful for that, but I'm still gonna be keeping an eye and ear out. Jake isn't impressed with 2nd grade, I think he's bored, honestly. He asked me if he could just skip 2nd and go to 3rd grade, and I almost went for it. But then I hark back to my days in elementary, when they wanted to advance me a grade, and my mom asked me about it, allegedly I said "no" and that I'd rather stay with my own class. So I'm thinking that even tho academically Jake may be ready for 3rd grade, emotionally he's not. He's such an academic snob though. Seriously! He tells me quite frequently that he just wishes everyone would learn how to "shut their piehole" (gulp, a pickup from me, I'm afraid) and quit bugging him in class. I told him he wouldn'...

That's how I'm feeling..just..blah. It's raining (again!) outside, and I'm hoping it doesn't rain next week when we take the kiddos to Six Flags. They've been waiting for this trip for a long, long time. And so have I, and J too ;) JJ and J have never been there, while I've been dozens of times in my life, and Ry has been once. So we're pretty hyped up about going. That's about the only bright spot in my life right now. Got a letter from a lawyer in town that the bank is intending to sue me over a loan that I took out with George (late husband). I thought once they repo'ed the 2 cars that were part of the collateral, that'd be it and the rest would just go on my already-shabby credit report, and then it'd go into collections where I'd try to make measly little payments each month. So now I'm wondering, if they can indeed sue me and garnish my disability check? I'm pretty sure they can't take any money out of the boys' ...

Woooohooo can you hear it? I can. It's the sound of parents happily buying school supplies and clothes. Wait...what's that you say? You don't get happy about buying school stuff? Think about it this way...you're buying not just tools for your child's education, but tools for your PEACE and sanity to return for a little while. Now I love my kids, really I do. But having a summer full of nothing but RAIN has driven them and me a bit batty. I promised at the first of June to set up their pool. Then the end of June. By mid-July we realized it wasn't happening. So we'll probably end up going to the lake if we catch a sunny day sometime to go swimming. Of course with this "break" in sight, comes a bit of melancholy. Ry's going to 5th grade, and JJ's (yes JJ, his new nickname as my youngest niece can't pronounce his full name and we think it's cute) going to 2nd. And my oldest niece, who seemingly was only born just a few months ago, is st...

My how things have changed since my last blog. I need to keep this on my "to-do" list and check in more often, if anyone actually reads this. My husband died 2 days after Christmas '05. I did a Legacy.com tribute to him here . The boys have coped with the loss so very differently. Ry's very emotional and has been hospitalized at Brentwood twice, and BHC once, since his death. My boy just doesn't know how to deal with it. Jake on the other hand, is very non-emotional about it. He sheds a tear or two when we visit the cemetary, but then he's over it and ready to go. He's very...cold? indifferent? when we talk about George at home. Life is...different... without George. I don't miss the fighting, or the affairs, or any of the "bad" stuff, but I miss talking to him. I miss the George I fell in love with. The George who cried the day our children were born and told me I looked beautiful right after delivering them. Sometimes I feel like Ryan, and ...

What a wild freaking rollercoaster called Life do I ride! I'm almost done with EMT school, started back in August. Part of the reason little bloggie-do here has been ignored. Gotta keep up on that. I'll get better at it, I promise. Neuro crap is still going round, but at least I have a doctor now that knows what she's doing? Mr. Roly Poly neuro just laughed everything off so I finally laughed HIM off and went somewhere else. Still don't know what's going to happen (do any of us, really?), just taking it one headache--err, day, at a time. Had to admit Ry to a behaviorial health center last month. Didn't realize he was that depressed and suicidal. Yes, at 8 years old, it happens. 10 days and a new Rx later, he's a changed child. I'm not exactly thrilled about meds, but considering that he got BiPolar added to his Dx of Autism, whatever helps him to lead a more normal life, works for me. Thanksgiving....well....it was hard. My pappaw died in July, and I kne...

Gonna keep this short and sweet because I feel just the opposite. I've been feeling a little dizzy for about a week or so, and finally called the doctor. So I go in for some bloodwork, and pass smooth out in front of the hospital. That earned me a nice long visit in the ER. Couldn't even go pee by myself. They got my MRI from a few years back when this happened and did a CT scan on me. Looks like the hydrocephalus they found about 3 years ago is up to it's old tricks again. Couldn't tell much except that their was definitely pressure from fluid buildup on the brain stem (oh? so THAT is why I feel like my head is about to split wide open? Gee I would've never guessed...) and an "indeterminate area" of "something" on the right side of my brain. How comforting. So all I know for now is that I'm dizzy, I'm sleepy because of the meds they've got me on, and at the same time can't sleep because I'm edgy and have to pee every 30 minut...

Poor little bloggie sitting over here all alone. Wow things have changed muchly since the last post. I got the Cast From Hell removed, I never thought scratching a simple itch could be near-orgasmic. Good news is, the the foot has HEALED!!! Last x-rays showed complete fusion of the bones, which is what SHOULD have happened after the 2nd surgery from Dr. Hatchett (not his real name, duh). I've also left my job at the call center, there's only so much idiocy I can listen to in a year, and I found a better-paying, less stressful job anyways. So I guess it doesn't matter if I slip every now and then when I'm typing 90 wpm (yes, that's right) and slip in my name or my kiddo's name by accident. Just got back from an autism conference in Austin. My brain is about 3 times the size it was before with the sheer volume of information I tried to absorb. Thank God for the 200-lb notebook they gave us with copies of all the slides and room for notes! Helluva time lugging THAT...

Well this was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. My delicate, gorgeous niece Alexiana Mekenzie was born shortly after 4 this morning. And I got to stay in the room while they delivered her! I know most people would freak and say "WHY?" but it was just awesome. I'd never really seen a baby being born other than on tv, and as for my own two, was a little hard to focus between the screaming and rattling of bedrails. She's just so teeny, head full of hair, like a little doll! The boys are anxious to see her, of course, but as she's a little premature they're going to have to wait until she's brought home. This is just the NEATEST thing, I have the 2 boys, and my brother has the 2 girls now. Cool, eh?

Famous last words. For six months last year, I endured pain in my foot that I thought was never going to end. Four surgeries in six months, I thought "Hey, it's over..whew"..little ache here and there, thought "oh just healing pains.." Here I am almost 2 years since the first surgery, and this thing f'ing HURTS. Like swelling up to double it's size hurts. Go to a different DPM, and guess what? Foot was never fixed! Awww hell naw, not another surgery..."Yes'm, 'fraid so.." the doc says..."But this one will hopefully fix everything and get it all healed." HOPEFULLY??? After much go-round and thinking, I went for it...Oh. Mother of God. The Pain. It did not hurt this bad at any point last year. I've got this heavy huge f'ing cast almost to my knee, the top of my foot feels like it's been beaten with a ball peen hammer, and then I've got "The Itch." Ya know, the one spot you feel like you're going to ...

My God. I feel like I have been beaten from head to toe with a 4X4. I'm 33 chronologically, but I'm trapped inside a 133 year old body. Not only did my car blow a radiator hose on the way to Mom n Me, but then I couldn't get the freakin' tent up once we FINALLY got there. I want to find the man that made this tent and serve him fried scrotum for breakfast. "The easiest tent on the market." WHAT market? The market that only serves 6ft-plus tall amazon gods/goddesses? Got it all staked out, supposed to be able to just pull this little hub thing down and voila it snaps it into place. Fellow pack mom friend of mine (who is shorter than my just-barely 5'2") stood on a chair and between the two of us looking like candidates for "America's Funniest Videos" we got the stupid thing up. By then I was already ready for a couple of rounds of Jose, and I don't even drink! But the fun had just begun! Hiked here, hiked there, shot a few rounds, nai...

Yeehaw. It's good ol' scout camping time, Mom n Me style...leaving at the buttcrack of dawn to be exact, long before any human being under the age of 99 should be forced to awaken (do old people wake up early because they're afraid they'll wake up dead if they dont? :P )...traipsing off to camp, activities here there and yonder, some marshmallows and weenies over the fire, sleep, upsy-daisy, chapel and breakfast and back home. At least I learned from last year. Mama Cubs out there, HEAR MY CALL. You simply must have some essentials. First and foremost, a wagon. Yep, good ol' Radio Flyer. Do not attempt to walk 3 f'ing miles to your campsite toting everything you own plus the shit your kid gets tired of carrying 2 minutes into the hike. Spend the buckage and get a wagon. Nextly (wtf was that word?), get thyself an inflatable air bed. Screw the sleeping on the ground crap. NO sleeping bag is that soft. I'm too young to wake up feeling like I'm a 2X4 trying...

Thank God I'm going to be on leave soon. I need a break from the "poop in the gene pool" of life. Yesterday, I got wrote up on some incredibly inane thing, and yes I think it was a personal thing. Other supervisors said they wouldn't have done it, would've let it slide because I'm a "good employee." But whatever. So I've been having fun taking it out on the agents. *snicker* The ones that just slllaaaayyy me are the idiots such as Abdul (not his real name but hell they're all the same and we can't be doing any slandering now can we?) who called me this morning and wanted me to run about 3 applications for him. I inquired as to whether he had our proprietary software for agents to run their own apps. "Why yes, but you can do it for me" he replied. After last night, this was NOT the best thing to say to me. I told good ol' Abdul that he was quite capable of doing it himself, and that we weren't his babysitters to sit aroun...

Now with the vent outta the way I'll say howdy. My real name isn't important, 'specially cuz of who I work for, I don't need anyone starting crap. Anyhoo, I'm BuckeyeMom. I have 2 purdy lil' boys, "R" and "J", 7 and 5, and married to "G". My boys are my life, "R" is autistic, Asperger's Syndrome actually, and while life has been a struggle for him and us both as we learn to deal with it, I can't say that I'd change a thing. Both are smart as a whip, J is 5 going on 15 at times ("I can read this, I can read that, I can read this.." until someone says "OK ENOUGH ALREADY!!!") I play Everquest, am quite addicted actually. It's my one vice, except for Wint-O-Green Lifesavers (and no damnit I can't get em to spark in the dark when I chew em). Should you play, I am Taliyahna, Natilya, Davenya, and Kirnora on the Karana server. No, I don't care about hearing about any other games, nor d...

Not a good way to start off a blog I suppose, but I just got home from work, and I swear I'd like to help the ocean dump California off the map. I work for a certain cellular company, in the activations department, which means I get to help agents on the West coast activate, among other things, phones for our 4-million-and-growing customers. The only problem with this is that about 1 out of ever 3 I talk to is either named Pablo, Abdul, Chong, or Little Johnny still in high school. Now before you call me a racist, shut your pie hole and listen. I deal with all kinds of crap for 11 hours a day and don't need yours. How HARD is it, really, to read a screen and follow the directions? Do you REALLY need me to stay on the phone with you FIFTEEN MINUTES so you can press four little buttons to see if a phone is activated? I don't even talk to my MOM fifteen minutes at a time, do I really want to listen to you jacking around with your buddies while you play with this phone for that...